[08.11.16 通亚]46th周中国的趣闻轶事集锦
【原文标题】Weekly Update: 16 November 2008【中文标题】每周更新：2008年11月16日
【登载媒体】Access Asia
【来源地址】http://www.accessasia.co.uk/weekly%20update.asp
【译者】荡漾
【声明】本翻译供Anti-CNN使用，转载请注明译者及出处，谢谢！
【原文】
Global Crisis Joke of the Week:
Man walks into a bank and asks how to open a small business.
?No problem sir?, says the business adviser, ?just open a big business and wait?.
Recession Anecdote Corner
Another 5 recession anecdotes heard this week:
·The overstuffed China conferences sector is taking a hit as, despite reduced prices, ?early bird? discounts and two for ones, getting people to shell out for conferences is getting harder;
·Among the retailers, footwear stores seem to be taking the hardest hit as people decide to make that pair of shoes last a bit longer than they did last year, or simply go barefoot;
·Record number of bars offering free food if you keep drinking ? promotions offering us basically a free dinner of nibbles if we keep buying the high margin booze are omnipresent now;
·Freelance journalists are finding work harder to come by and word rates are cut as magazines lose advertising and subsequently cut back their word counts on editorial;
·Fakes are back in abundance on China?s streets as struggling factories turn to piracy to keep the machines running as the orders fall away.
Guide to China?s New Bankruptcy Laws
(As based on reality rather, than the advice of high paid lawyers)
1. Switch off the lights;
2. Lock factory gates behind you;
3. Run;
4. Eeerrr, keep on running.
Youth Consumers: A New Date For Your Diaries
That?s diaries, as in the notebook you write your appointments in, not somewhere that molests milk!
This Tuesday was the 11th of November, when the Western World traditionally observes a minute?s silence in remembrance of the people who died during the utter ghastliness that was the First World War, and subsequent wastes of human life and endeavour. Not so China! Oh no! Thanks to a bunch of students from Hangzhou a few years ago, China has added 11/11 as a new non-official ?Day? to its diary.
To compete with the glutinous and embarrassing mess that is Valentine?s Day, Chinese youth now has Bachelor?s Day. This is the day when all China?s sad men, who can?t get a girlfriend because the gender split is so skewed, or because they simply don?t consume in the prescribed way shown in the adverts, will get to do whatever bachelors do when they are feeling a bit lonely. A possible marketing opportunity for the disposable paper products manufacturers, perhaps?
Chosen to be on this day because four ?1s? represents singledom (apparently), it is unlikely to be made an official holiday, as with Valentine?s Day, but it will probably develop into a marketing opportunity for someone. Hallmark cards will no doubt find ways to get Mr. Nofriends to buy himself a card celebrating his solitude, whilst we suspect the fast-fat industry will see potential in promotions of special sad-singleton meals, to help these lonely hearts get fatter, spottier and even further removed from a position of attracting a mate.
And, yes, of course there is the inevitable ?recent survey?, conducted by the China Youth Daily and Sohu.com, which found that nearly 80% interviewees don't think ?bachelordom is the substitute name for loneliness, solitude and boredom?. The survey also found that those singletons interviewed believed that being single provides them with more ?independence, freedom and unrestrained life planning?.
Your mind can convince you of anything when you are alone and nobody loves you!
【译文】
金融危机本周黑色幽默
“一个男人走进一家银行问该如何开一家小公司，银行的商业顾问回答说：‘好的，先生’‘您只需要开一家大公司，然后等着就行了’。”(截图1）
经济危机趣闻轶事小集锦
本周还有5个与经济危机有关的小故事
·一直安排得满满当当的中国会展业正在受到冲击，尽管展会的价格在降低、提前预定享受折扣、不少展会提供8折，但要从人们口袋里掏出办展会的钱正变得越来越困难。
·在零售商中鞋类商店看起来受到的冲击最为严重，和去年相比人们决定今年脚上那双鞋穿的时间要久一点，甚至打算光脚。
·从未有过这么多酒吧愿意提供你免费的食物，当然前提是你不停地买酒喝。如今随处可见这样的促销：如果我们肯不停饮用暴利的酒精饮料，基本上各酒吧都会提供一份免费的点心餐。
·独立记者现如今越来越难找到工作。随着杂志广告收入的减少编审相应地缩减了码字开支，码字收入也因此减少。
·在失去订单的困境中苦苦挣扎的工厂再次转向盗版生产，因此仿冒品又大量出现在中国的大街小巷。(截图2）
中国新的破产法则
（请注意此建议并非来自高咨询费用的律师，更多是基于现实）
1. 关掉灯
2. 关上身后的工厂大门
3. 跑
4. 呃，继续跑(截图3）
11月11日——日程备忘录上的一个新日期
就像笔记本是你记下约会的地方，diaries是日程备忘录，而不是搅乱牛奶的出处（dairies）。
（上）周二是11月11日，这个日子西方世界传统会有1分钟的默哀，为了纪念在第一次世界大战至极恐怖中死亡的人以及伴随的人类生活与不懈努力所遭受的破坏。不过在中国不是这样的，哦，不这样！多亏了几年前杭州的一群学生，中国将11/11作为一个新的非官方“纪念日”加到了备忘录上。
西方有充满黏情、让人发烧的情人节；而现在中国的年轻人则有了光棍节。这一天所有或者因为性别比例失衡或者只是因为无法按照广告指导而成功没有女朋友的中国的伤心男人将会做任何光棍感觉有点孤独时做的事情。对纸巾生产商来说这也许是个潜在的市场机会。
之所以选择这个日子是因为四个“1”（很明显）代表了独身一人。它不可能像情人节一样成为一个官方节日，但对某些人来说却可能发展出一个市场机会。Hallmark（贺卡制作软件）毫无疑问将想出方法让“光棍先生”为自己买张卡片庆祝独身；而我们预测快餐行业有潜力提供特别“伤心单人餐”的促销活动，帮助这些孤独的心的主人变得更胖、长出更多的粉刺，进而在吸引异性的道路上愈行愈远。
哦，对了，《中国青年报》和搜狐网站所做的例行“最新调查”显示将近80%的被调查者不认为“光棍是孤独、独身和空虚的代名词”，调查还表明这些单身汉认为单身为他们提供了更多的“独立、自由和不受约束的人生计划”。
（我的朋友）当你孤独一人没人爱的时候你的脑子是会设法让你相信任何事情！(截图4)
【截图】
[ 本帖最后由 荡漾 于 2008-11-21 23:02 编辑 ] （我的朋友）当你孤独一人没人爱的时候你的脑子是会设法让你相信任何事情！(截图4)
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破产法则很逗啊，最后一句太损了，哈哈哈 Q44) 我觉得中国国内象个大超市,经常发起各种促销活动,太过瘾啦.
比如:鸡肉鸡蛋降价(优惠理由是禽流感).香蕉降价(优惠理由是香蕉有癌症).西瓜降价(优惠理由是西瓜里有爱兹病).牛奶降价(优惠理由是牛奶里有三聚腈胺).桔子降价(优惠理由是桔子里有果蝇).
所有这些促销莫不令人欣喜,生活中经常来点意外利好刺激也太美啦.享受啊!
另外:外国人基本上是不可能跟我们一起品尝啦.肥水不流外人田嘛. 原帖由 荡漾 于 2008-11-21 22:05 发表 http://bbs.m4.cn/images/common/back.gif
而我们预测快餐行业有潜力提供特别“伤心单人餐”的促销活动，帮助这些孤独的心的主人变得更胖、长出更多的粉刺，进而在吸引异性的道路上愈行愈远。
这段很逗。。。
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