【11.01.08 华尔街日报】评论 为什么中国母亲是优秀的（中西方教育理念比对系列文章之二）
【中文标题】评论 为什么中国母亲是优秀的【原文标题】Comments to Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
【登载媒体】华尔街日报
【原文链接】http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html
Sung Son：
哇，刚看到文章标题的时候，我以为这是一篇带有嘲讽意味的文章，目的是提出一个谦虚的建议。可实际上，傲慢自大的情绪似乎跃纸欲出。为什么学习戏剧比不上学习音乐和数学更有意义？为什么成功非要来自既定的课程中？为什么中国母亲在踏上这个国家第一步的时候就给自己制定了这样的方案？
就我自己看来，我觉得中国母亲的教育方式会导致一种非常令人厌恶的心态。所有的互动活动都是没用的，主导一切才是唯一的目标。
Jose Calabro：
“为什么学习戏剧比不上学习音乐和数学更有意义？”
因为那些学问对种粮食、上月球、做iPhone、防止汽车爆炸、避免桥梁倒塌没有帮助。如果我们都选择学习戏剧，如果有人在演蜘蛛侠的时候摔断了肋骨，那就麻烦了。还有一个重要的原因是收入。莎士比亚和恋母情结方面的专家很难比一个擅长C++的人找到更好的工作。他们为自己的孩子设计一条生活舒适的道路，这没有错误。
Kevin Z：
Jose，不要把中国人一棍子打死，Chua的教育方式只代表了她自己，不能代表中国所有的父母。在中国，很多人谴责这种教育方式，它也慢慢失去了市场。我个人目睹过这种教育方式的很多受害者，这让人感觉不束缚。Chua的言论带有一些种族色彩，与普通中国人完全不一样。你知道，中国大陆的中国人和海外的中国人是完全不同的，完全是两种文化。
Ryan Callahan：
Jose，你说的没错。有这种行为的人绝不会用合理、恰当的方式与其它人类沟通，也绝不会透彻了解人类的本性。
你看的出来我是在用嘲讽、挖苦的语气和你讲话吗？谢谢，英语老师。
Candace Kalish：
如果作者是想搞笑，那么她需要磨练自己的幽默技巧。如果她是想展示中国教育儿童方法的优越性，她需要提升自己的修辞水平。她的逻辑也有所欠缺。“除了体操和戏剧之外的任何一门课程必须是第一名”，这条金科玉律在有多个中国学生的班级中根本是不可能的。
这篇荒唐透顶、废话连篇的垃圾文章其实是对松散的美国教育制度尖锐的批判。很遗憾看到作者如此的懒惰，如此孤芳自赏。如果我是她的母亲，我要好好和她谈谈。
Jennifer Wong：
很明显你不是中国人，甚至也没有和传统的中国家庭进行过沟通。作为第一代美籍华人，我认为这篇文章充满了幽默和讽刺，联想到我和我兄弟，以及我的表亲的成长经历，这篇文章的确击中了要害。没有在中国家庭中生活过，我认为你就没有权力用如此尖刻的语言评论一篇你认知文化范围之外的文章。
如果你是她的母亲，你需要和她谈的恰恰是这篇文章中说的问题。我的外婆对我母亲的管教，要比我母亲对我的管教严格得多。因为在她小的时候，香港的生活很艰难，她希望我的母亲来到美国之后能找到一些她无法奢望的机会。
Ralph Newman：
尖刻的语言？即使把“垃圾”两个字去掉这也是一个给力的评论。你认为她是写给谁看的？作为耶鲁大学的一名教授，竟然用“我为什么比你优秀”的口气来写文章？另外，我的孩子们也取得了很多的成就，但是他们可以参加学校剧，可以参加同学聚会，还擅长体育运动。我认为这应该算是社会中更加全面的发展。关键问题在于惩罚和优先序。
Brendon Kerr：
Jennifer，中国人和西方人的思维的确是不一样的，我们喜欢做判断，喜欢大声说出自己的想法，这叫做言论自由，写文章的人也希望看到这种评论。至于中国母亲的做事方式，我想告诉你中国也在飞快地变化，中国夜店中很多女孩也不像很多人想象的那么害羞。中国的孩子之所以感到痛苦，是因为中国是个不平等的国家。人们就像对待渣滓一样对待穷人，人人都想变得有钱，因为他们知道穷人的生活就是低于，所以他们不遗余力地敦促自己的孩子。我认为个性是很重要的，这就是为什么西方的科技水平把中国远远地抛在后面，中国近代的发展一般都是依靠购买或者剽窃西方科技。中国的妈妈都在购买盗版产品，所以他们也教会了孩子如何偷窃和撒谎。在希望，我们试图创造一个充满乐趣和轻松的生活环境，孩子们享受生活的乐趣。或许有时候会过于放松，但是绝对优于中国的教育方式。
shuan chen：
我就是来自这样的一个中国家庭，我的父亲极为严厉。
但是我不认为这篇文章有趣。实际上，我恨我的父亲，恨他对我做的一切。
放假的时候，我不愿意回家，因为我知道他在家里，我尽量避免和他接触。中国的习俗是祖父母帮忙照看孙子，但是我坚决不让我的孩子和他们有更多接触，因为我不像让他们那种教育方式施加在我的孩子身上。
你似乎很赞成Amy的教育方式，那么我认为你根本不在乎殴打你的孩子，也不在乎使用你父母的那些手段了。愿上帝可怜你的孩子吧。
ALEX SUN：
文章中的确隐藏了过多的讽刺因素，但还是明确表达了一个观点，“文化”和缺少单纯的“压制”将会出现不好的结果。为什么这么说的？假如我们用“白人”母亲来替换“中国”母亲，用“黑人母亲”替换“白人母亲”，那么所有被文章中中国母亲激怒的人或许都会点头，认可非裔美国人并不像白人父母那样施加了同样的教育强度，尽管他们自称认为教育很重要。这就是不那么重要的“文化”（或许至少有些情绪因素在里边）对“教育”这个概念的影响。每一种“文化”都对“好”的努力和“不好”的努力有不同的见解。
当然，这仅仅是肤浅、宽泛的讨论，忽略了其它一些因素。但是非裔美国人群体忽略了讨论中的核心问题，就是自身所承担的风险，就像西方文化直截了当地拒绝接受文章的观点一样。（作为一个美籍华人，这篇文章其实唤起了我的会议，但它真实的意图是通过冒昧的观点让你思考东西方文化的本质区别。）
Vlad Nagd：
乍看之下，作者说了一些蹩脚的笑话，但是看到最后，我还是接受了她的观点。我的高中学校很遗憾地在几年前关闭了，我在那里的学习生活简直是一场噩梦。学校中99％的学生是非裔美国人和西班牙人，我现在还保留着每年成绩排名在前100名的学生名单，前10名到前15名都是亚洲人。人数不到1％的群体是学校中最优秀的学生，这绝不是巧合。
Paul Beedle：
压力，压力！没有付出就没有收获！努力学习！你能做到的！这些我都赞成，甚至包括希伯来谚语“省了棍子，惯了孩子”。导致人们娇惯西方儿童的现代“心理学”是令人深恶痛绝的东西。
然而这篇文章也隐藏了同样令人厌恶的内容，或许还更糟。这些语言曾经出现在《我的奋斗》一书中。第二次世界大战否定了社会达尔文理论，这难道是错误的吗？整个国家都坚信，优秀的母亲让一个独裁者去“清楚垃圾”！
完全可以不用这种令人反感的语气来阐述压力造就优秀的概念。除了我们之外，世界上只有一个国家拥有隐形战斗机技术——这个国家刚刚改变了文化大革命的形式——西方人要做好战争的准备了。从历史的角度来看，不拥护“人人生而平等”的国家都有民族主义倾向。
Steven Graham：
这篇文章让我想到欧洲人对美国教育方式的看法。美国人像对待宠物一样对待孩子，像对待孩子一样对待宠物。孩子是用来游戏的，宠物是用来训练的。
我知道有一些宠物狗训练课程对孩子也是有效的。
美国教育悲哀的一点是，当中国母亲在美国生活了三代之后，他们就和美国母亲没有什么区别了。她的孩子或许会相对严厉地教育她的孙子，但是她的孙子肯定会和她的孩子享受更多的乐趣。
所以问题就在于身处本土的中国父母是否会降低他们的期望值。或许当中国的中产阶级进一步发展之后，美国就能够与其匹敌了——不是达到中国人的水平，而是把中国人拉回美国的水平。
Alistair Nicholas：
我认为中国的教育方式有其价值所在，因为它可以培养出音乐和数学领域的天才。问题在于这些都是相对有局限性的领域，很少有中国孩子能够在现代世界中具备成功的因素。原因是，所有死记硬背的行为无法培养创造性思维能力。不参加野营、学校剧和体育运动，就无法培养团队意识——这恰恰是当今世界必须具备的。我的观点基于在中国工作和生活11年的经历。我的中国同事们智商都很高，或许比西方同僚们的平均水平要高。他们能口头计算最复杂的数学公式，而我还在笨拙地按计算器。但是很少有人可以领导一支团队，解决当今商业领域中的具体问题。我后来不得不聘请了一名美国二流大学的毕业生，来领导中国顶级大学的尖子学生。为什么？因为他懂得团队合作，会创造性地思维。
中国人在质疑自己的教育方式，而一个美国教授（尽管她是中国后裔）却在向美国人推销这种现成的教育方式，真是具有讽刺意味。但我并不向完全否定中国人的做法——我认为有一条折中的道路，只可惜作者并没有提出。全盘接受中国教育方式的西方父母肯定会后悔的。
JEFFREY CONBOY：
我基本同意你的观点。虽然我是白种人，但我父母的教育方式和日本/中国文化很类似。学业永远是最重要的，第一名是唯一的选择，上大学之前各个科目的成绩必须都是A。小时后被强调最多的是数学。我的弱项是网络和社交能力，尽管我认为自己比大多数人更聪明。在我短暂的工作经历中，我发现智力并不是成功的唯一因素。更加均衡的发展不但对未来职业有帮助，还会改善人际关系。与此同时，我发现美国文化并不会让那些更有能力、更努力的人得到更多回报。我的一个同事的话最形象：“做好自己的工作、比别人更努力并不会证明你的出色，也不会让你挣到更多的钱。”遗憾的是我看到太多这样的现象了。
Greg Arnot：
你落入了这篇文章的一个陷阱。
世界上有2.5亿中国母亲，每个人都是不一样的。文章中的母亲花费大量的时间来教育女儿，但是大部分中国母亲没有这么多时间。
走传统路线有点意思，但是别错误地信任自己的传统观点。
我在中国有一家公司。创造性的确是一个问题……那里的人太具有创造性了，他们不断改进日常工作的方式，甚至我都觉得不需要继续调整了。他们对创新一点都不胆怯，因为他们可以通过成功的创新为自己挣得“脸面”。
中国人非常具有创新意识，在自由环境中管理他们就好像是让鸭子按字母顺序排列。
中国母亲也非常有意思——当然她是一个古板的极端——她并不代表中国母亲。
David Nichols：
我有一个问题，你对于公司中国员工能力方面的评价怎么和我差那么多？我经常到中国去，和中国人面对面谈生意，我有十几个美籍华人经理，在军队中就为我工作，他们都晋升为高级军官。他们用独特的方式解决商业问题，喜欢竞争，喜欢运动和娱乐……我可以随便列举出上百家公司求着我请他们去做事。没有他们，我会一事无成，他们是宝贵的财产……在西方游戏规则中找到这样的员工几乎是不可能的。大部分美国人都不追求卓越，他们认为感性要比一个人对文化和社会的付出重要得多。简而言之，西方人把一记之需凌驾于大众需求之上，你难道不认为这时一种短视的自大吗？
Big Bear：
很有趣，Nicholas竟然使用他聘请美国二流大学毕业生来管理中国顶级大学尖子学生的例子来证明他的观点，并提出他的建议。
第一个问题，谁在聘请中国一流大学的学生？猜猜？都是全球知名企业：IBM、英特尔、宝洁等等。他们懂得如何管理这些天才，知道怎么为他们提供发展的基础，包括文化和物质方面。为什么？因为他们在自己的国家中就有这种高智商的人才储备。中国人并不喜欢服从，二流的经理怎么能甘醴一流的员工呢？就靠那一张苍白的脸吗？
招聘二流员工并不是新鲜事。有个例子，几年前，一家中国公司在招聘启事上明确写道：“不招聘北大、清华毕业生。”这是中国两所顶级大学。为什么这样做？因为他们知道自己无法管理这些绝顶聪明的人。与此相反，当宝洁在90年代刚刚进入中国市场的时候，他们只在顶级大学中召开招聘会。即使是买牙膏的岗位，他们也不怕使用高智商的员工。为什么？因为他们懂得如何管理这些人。
第二个问题，为什么不在美国招聘一流大学的毕业生，而是要选择二流大学？答案或许是因为二流大学毕业生就足以承担Nicholas交给他的工作了。至于团队合作嘛，二流毕业生不会问太多的问题，很好管理，这或许就是Nicholas世界中团队合作的定义。如果一流毕业生提出了关键的问题，或者问了过多的问题，这是不是代表超出常规呢？或许超出的太多，Nicholas自己也想象不到。把这两件事摆在一起真是滑稽。
我在美国居住过很长时间，在中国和美国都上过学，也都教过课，我对两个国家的教育系统都有很多了解。有一个简单的结论：二流就是二流。改善个人出境的唯一方法就是努力工作，爱迪生的名言“99％的汗水”就是这个意思。
而且，我在不同背景的环境中从事过真正的商业活动，有很多机会观察二流学生的行为。没有，的确有一些人也会超出常规思考，读了几篇《华尔街日报》有关中国的宣传性文章之后突然就认为自己有能力来给我上课。从没离开过自己出生地的22岁孩子就有胆量做这种事？这些二流学生知道什么叫做思考吗？他们知道怎么在常规范围之内思考吗？
Nicholas的发言完全是对Amy Chua文章标题中“优秀”两个字的过激反应。通过表达自己希望聘请二流学生来管理一流学生的愿望，Nicholas在贬低中国学生的同时可以获得心理平衡。可笑的是，从他的角度来看，任何美国大学毕业生都可以做到这一点，即使是个二流学生。然而，他文字中内在的逻辑混乱和貌似合理的思考过程暴露了二流大脑的能力，也就是肤浅的措辞。包括Nicholas在内的一些人完全没有抓住重点，我在这里不会说重点是什么，这会影响Chua的新书的销售。
他的留言得到了那么多人支持进一步印证了我的观点，二流就是二流，二流比一流更受欢迎。
没错，非常受欢迎，就像《推销员之死》中的大儿子。等等，他考入波士顿大学了吗？没有，因为他数学不及格。但是这又怎么样？已经过了那么久，谁还在乎Miller。
我对这本书有另外一种见解，我认为Miller的时代是真正伟大美国的时代。当然在某些人看来，并没有那么伟大。那时的学校不会给你评出华而不实的分数，那些二流学生不会轻易得到高分而洋洋得意。你认为呢？
Justin Wright：
你在中国于中国工人相处的经历不能适用于美国的美籍华人。到目前为止，你雇用的中国工人依然是在一个专制、独权、压制思维模式和个人自有的政府中成长起来的（至少在上一次我关注中国时还是如此，依旧似乎共产主义国家）。中国有很多新兴的百万富翁，我认为这标志着中国人有非常强大的经营理念——当他们有自有做一些事情的时候。这些人似乎不会去你的公司求职。
你会聘请一个二流学校的“美国人”来管理美籍华人吗？
你有什么数据可以证明“很少有中国孩子能够在现代世界中具备成功的因素”，如果你指的是美籍华人和Amy Chua的孩子？当然，这取决于你如何定义成功，我认为你应当指的是商业方面。但是，有很多亚洲人在实验室中辛苦工作，寻找疾病的治疗方法——一点一滴的进步和重大突破同样重要，后者甚至要依赖前者。科学研究需要巨大的创造力和想象力，你认为他们是成功人士吗？
我同意死记硬背的学习方式有其缺陷，但这仅仅是在把其作为唯一的教育方式的情况下。注意，Chua女士和Lulu说不给她办生日聚会的目的是激发她从创造力（她或许知道Lulu是有这个能力的）。
一个“平衡”的教育方式并不是最佳的选择，要知道Chua女士的方法是“中国模式”的极端案例，她在自己的书中做了一些调和（《华尔街日报》中的文章没有明确指出这本书其实是她的一个回忆录）。我不大相信所有的“西方父母”都会采取中国人的做法，因为这需要投入巨大的时间、精力和牺牲——就像一些评论中所提到的。
Robert Hemedes：
这篇文章说明了为什么亚洲人在体育运动方面不具有代表性，而在经典乐器演奏方面又过分具有代表性的原因。
我必须指出，中国、韩国和日本的男性非常喜欢电子游戏。
Perry Chen：
没错，至少在我上高中之前，我的父母根本不干涉我玩游戏，只要成绩保持在A的水平。
我的母亲在很多方面也是一个典型的“中国父母”，但是如果说大部分中国父母都要求他们的孩子必须是第一名，就有些演绎了。他们都知道这是不可能的，我的父母也知道。但是，作者说中国父母都摘掉他们的孩子有得A的能力，其实是基于中国人的一种心理，他们认为学业方面的成功比其它事情更重要。
我还必须要说，中国父母严格要求的方面也不尽相同，或许是因为这篇文章的讽刺形式或者是作者的无知，文章中并没有提到。实话说，和我朋友的父母比较起来，我的父母还不算那么严格。
Frank Castle：
提个问题，莎士比亚算是什么人种？
Harvey Kitay：
你真是个肤浅的家伙！看来你没读过The Dearborn Independent，传统音乐是一种娱乐的形式。
ROBERT CHAPMAN：
有趣。我是“白人”，我的基因中包含欧洲很多地方的血统，因此我是“白人”。我的身份在某种程度上于我皮肤的颜色挂钩。但中国人不是这样。我觉得很有意思。我曾经与亚洲学生（亚洲当然不止包括中国，中国人认为自己的国家是世界的中心）做同学，并与他们竞争。我总是能击败他们，从小学一直到研究生。我还在博士后课程中见过同样的情形。对此我从未多想。我的确发现大部分中国人缺乏创造力和独创性的思维。实际上，我们会发现中国研究生课程中的所谓“研究出版物”完全是虚假的。我一点不奇怪为什么他们没有能力在当今社会中制造出有任何创造性的东西。我在想“优秀的母亲们”对此作何感想。
Stephen Edmondson：
那么你在自己的小小世界中击败了所有的中国人（让我们假设你说的都是真的）……那又如何？如果你在中国，用中文和中国人竞争，结果会怎样？你比所有中国人都优秀吗？如果不是，那你想说什么？
一些中国学校的确出现过造假的科研成果，但是这表示所有中国学校都是骗子吗？如果不是，那你想说什么？
至于你说中国没有能力在当今社会中制造出“任何”独创性的东西，我认为你是在说具有商业成功性并给发明者的国家带来竞争优势的“东西”，对吗？你认为“任何具有独创性”是不是太狭隘了呢？
我觉得你说话太宽泛了，就像你所鄙视的文章作者一样。
GUOYAO ZHANG：
我是一个中国母亲。我同意，中国经常出现优秀的工程师，但是没有发明家；经常出现优秀的钢琴演奏家，但是没有百年一遇的音乐家。Chua女士所描述的中国教育方式会破坏孩子的创造力，因为父母有可能忽略孩子的真实天赋和自身感觉。他们认为自己了解哪些东西对孩子好，孩子只需要服从。但是，我认为中国父母在教育孩子了解纪律和工作规范的重要性方面做得非常出色。他们让孩子了解到，成功没有捷径，下功夫和遵守客观规律是实现梦想的唯一道路。实际上，我认为从这方面讲，每一个成功的孩子背后的中国父母和西方父母都是一样的。
james graham：
Guoyao说的不错，但这其中还是有一些重要区别的，至少在美国是这样。很多亚洲父母都希望孩子在学校中表现得好。一方面说孩子必须要被强迫做一些事情，有时候强迫的手段还比较极端；另一方面又说父母强加给孩子的意志不利于创造性。怎样融合这两种极端的观点是一个棘手的问题。尽管如此，我们都同意一件事情——尽管亚洲孩子在学校中表现出色，亚洲并为统治世界。你也不能说所有亚洲的孩子都生活在文章中所描述的家庭环境中。为什么会这样呢？
Anthony Pohle：
我猜作者肯定与Sotomayer法官合得来（译者注：西班牙裔美国女性，第11任最高法院大法官）。
或许她们两个可以合作建立起一套亚洲/西班牙女权主义育儿教条，搞成一本小红书，在发保险卡片的时候一同发放。
这个作者需要提高自己的水平，她应当为自己感到羞耻。美国父母的确有改进的必要，但是这篇文章太让人倒胃口了。
Andrew James：
同志们不要戒备心那么强，作者只不过有些过于戏剧化地描述了一个真实存在的现象。
我的观察结果是，很多华裔美国父母奉行“我们是外来人口，所以我们必须要优秀”的育儿理念。这和种族观念没有关系，只不过是对周围环境的文化或者社会反应。犹太人、印度人，甚至一些非裔美国父母也有类似的行为倾向，尽管他们没有像中国父母的行为那么极端。从某种程度讲，这导致了一种固执的偏见。你能想象出一个数学成绩平平的中国孩子吗？人们会觉得他/她是不是有问题。
WENDY MORRIS：
我的母亲四爱尔兰人，60年代移民美国。她立志要让两个美国出生的孩子珍惜这个伟大国家的一切优势，尤其是高等教育的机会。在我的文化中，人们认为孩子一降生就要被赋予远大的目标，而且必须实现这些目标，必须接受无法实现目标的校正行为。我的母亲和中国目前有很多相似之处。总有那么一个时刻，每个孩子都要决定将来过普通人的日子还是很要做得更好。你的父母会帮助你认识到，你可以做一个不同寻常的人。
David Rossi：
作为一名美国知名大学的学生，我深为你的文章感到震惊。
“中国”的教育方式与旧时代欧洲的教育方式类似，其中的问题在于它扼杀了真正重要的能力：创造力、沟通、战略性的思考和领导力。
连续几个小时弹奏乐器怎么能发展出沟通能力、领导力和战略行的思考能力呢？
我根本不在乎一个人是否能演奏出肖邦的乐曲，也不在乎是否能算出8级的微积分题目，因为你的父母不让你出去玩，就让你做算数。没有上面说的这些能力，就算你的SAT分数再高，你在生活中也是有严重缺陷的人。
Jack Worthington：
这篇文章真是说到点子上了。如果你了解加利福尼亚的大学过去20年的情况，你就知道哪种教育方式更好了。西方的孩子会选择海洋生物或者“沟通交流”的专业，而亚洲孩子都会选择可以保证自己将来生计的专业。西方教育方式是掩盖过于溺爱的借口，培养出宠坏的孩子，甚至像Jeff Spicolis和Lebowskis纨绔子弟那样的受害者，而亚洲人高高在上。
我认为亚洲人是好样的，适者生存。西方人变成了衣着华丽、玩着游戏、意志脆弱、乳头穿孔的孩子。你可以选择年轻的时候吃苦，长大之后享受；也可以选择年轻的时候享受，长大后让现实生活抽你的嘴巴。
当然，所有的西方孩子最后都会变成伟大的“领袖”和“思想家”。根本不是这么回事，搁我说他们都是没有天分的自我陶醉者。
Allison Lacson：
我们过分假设像我自己一样的“西方孩子”都是无能的自恋狂。你现在是在加利福尼亚大学或者其它一流大学就读吗？我觉得不像，所以我就不做这么大胆的假设了。
没错，亚洲人一般都会选择类似工程这样的专业，而且似乎都很擅长。这是他们的优势。我妹妹目前正在加利福尼亚大学洛杉矶分校读书，学习环境工程专业，她是班里的高才生。她可不是亚洲人，而是地道的西方人。我毕业于密歇根大学，有通信学的学位，我还准备攻读法律。告诉你们，我比你们想象中要优秀得多。我可不是亚洲人。谷歌、JP摩根中的员工只不过是财务分析师，在NBC中工作，或者开创自己事业的人才是明日的领袖。
或许一些孩子是在比较宽松的环境中成长起来的，但是我们无法判断父母是否需要像作者一样的严厉。底限是，别意味“西方”孩子就是你描述出来的那个样子，这是大错而特错的。
Suzanne Nussbaum：
我觉得作者在描述西方父母行为方式的方面有一些夸张。我错了！我知道自己是如此的幸运。我的大孩子在大约5岁时开始练习弹钢琴，我遇到了一位母亲，她的孩子4岁，和我的孩子是同一个钢琴老师。这位母亲自己就是一名音乐家，恰好来自韩国。聊天的时候，我说我的女儿喜欢上钢琴课，也很喜欢老师，“但就是不爱练习”。这位韩国的大提琴手惊讶地看着我说：“他们当然不喜欢练习了，他们只不过是孩子！你必须要强迫他们！”从那时开始，我就开始思考一些方法，类似我强迫他们刷牙、完成作业的方法。接着，出现了一些讨价还价的现象（想看电视就必须要练习等等）。我很高兴我及时遇到了这位母亲，因为在后来，有数不清的父母有羡慕的语气对我说：“哎呀，我多希望我们家的小东西也能好好练习，可她就是不愿意。”。典型的西方态度似乎是这样的：给你的孩子找来一样乐器，让他们上课，然后练习演奏。当然这要取决于他们的意愿，如果他们天生的兴趣促使他们去练习，那再好不过了。如果不是这样，那我会高兴地说，我的女儿很感谢我当初强迫她们练习。另外，我的小孩子曾经找我要一支小提琴，但是不愿意在上课之后练习。我实在忍受不了自己叫喊的声音，于是把所有的东西丢在一般，取消了课程，归还了小提琴。我和孩子说，没关系，我们在试试别的乐器。他现在是一个出色的木箫演奏家，所以我没有任何遗憾……我应当引以为豪，因为我想办法让我的孩子按照我的思路行事，而不是使用武力。但我必须要说，看到文中母亲强迫Lulu的努力最终演奏成功，我被深深地感动了。
Kevin Neilson：
可笑，我觉得这里有美化的成分，我不认为这是亚洲的普遍现象。作者说中国的孩子绝不会出现B的成绩，在上海或者台北市中心可能部分属实。但是从亚洲孩子的整体水平来看，大部分人还处于文盲的阶段，更不用提B了。
MILTON NABE：
亚洲孩子在美国之所以优秀是因为他们的前辈曾经雄心勃勃地离开自己的祖国，到海外寻找更好的机会，这个群体无疑是相对优秀的。
离开自己的祖国需要足够的魄力。
james benning：
“离开自己的祖国需要足够的魄力。”
如果是离开一个共产党统治的第三世界大粪坑，需要魄力吗……
Meichi Lee：
.
没错！
Nellie Popper：
还需要巨大的勇气和信心，就像来到美洲大陆的第一批欧洲人一样。
MILTON NABE：
James，你去过中国吗？我最近去过（我不是中国人）。那里是一个比美国还资本主义得多的国家。政府仅仅干预极少的产业，让大部分市场自有发展。
Craig Johnson：
让你的人民富裕起来，是一个伟大国家的先决条件。这就是为什么很多美国人偷渡到中国去，而不是相反（译者注：原文如此）。不要和我说什么全世界除了中国都在享受基本的人权。
Candace Kalish：
我已经评论过对这篇文章风格方面的意见，但我还是要说，她是个无知的家伙。台湾女性已经开始流行进食紊乱症状，韩国也是如此。很显然这就是“减肥去吧，胖子！”这种做法的副作用。
美国父母的确需要听听哪些不要崇拜自尊，而是要取得成就方面的意见。但是这篇愚蠢的文章，内容完全是作者的自负。
Meichi Lee：
没错，作者暴露了自大的心态，可是我的孩子从未在卡耐基音乐厅演出过！
Emily Rogers：
你的孩子真想在卡耐基音乐厅演出吗？
原文：
Sung Son wrote:
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Wow. As soon as I read the headline I hoped that this was a satirical essay in the vein of A Modest Proposal. The arrogance really leaps off the page. Why is the pursuit of dramatical studies less meaningful than music or math? Why does success have to come from a prescribed list of fields that seems to have been set in stone the day the first Chinese mother stepped foot on this country?
Drawing from my own observations I feel that Chinese Mothering breeds a very nasty mentality; every interaction is seen as though it's a zero-sum game with dominance as the only goal.
.Jose Calabro replied:
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"Why is the pursuit of dramatical studies less meaningful than music or math?"
Because they don't help grow food, go to the moon, make iPhones, keep cars from blowing up, or bridges from collapsing. If we all elected to pursue dramatic studies and broke a few ribs during failed Spiderman performances we would be in serious trouble. There is also the not so inconsequential matter of wages. It is much harder to find a well job as an expert on Shakespeare and The Oedipus Complex than it is to find one programming C++. They are setting up their kids towards a comfortable life. Nothing wrong with that
Kevin Z replied:
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Hi Jose,
Don't blame all Chinese, the Chau's way of eduction is only represent hers, and CANNOT represent all parents in China. In China, many people condemn about this sort of educational styles, and people can see an end of this. Personally I have seen many victims of such mothering, and it's really stressful. The speech of Chau is a bit racist and quite different from Chinese. You know Chinese in China are totally different from Chinese overseas. Just like two cultures.
Ryan Callahan replied:
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You're right, Jose. Nobody who does any of those things ever interacts with another human being in a controlled and precise manner, and nobody ever benefits from a good understanding of human nature.
Did you understand that I was being both sarcastic and ironic? Thank your English teacher.
Candace Kalish wrote:
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If the author is trying to be funny she needs to work on her comic technique. If she is trying to demonstrate the superiority of the Chinese approach to child rearing, she needs to work on her rhetorical skills. Her logic needs a boost, too. The rule that a child must be the "No. 1 student in every class except gym and drama" is an obvious impossibility if there is more than one child of a Chinese mother in a class.
Buried in this ridiculous, poorly written piece of garbage are valid criticisms of flabby American parenting. It's too bad the author allowed herself to be so lazy and self indulgent. If I were her mother, I'd have a thing or two to say to her.
Jennifer Wong replied:
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It is obvious you are not Chinese, nor had interactions with traditional Chinese families. As a first generation American born Chinese, I found this article full of humor and satire as it fully hits the nail on the head regarding mine and my brother's upbringing as well as my cousins. Without actually living it, I don't think you have the right to make such harsh judgements on an article targeting a culture outside of your knowledge.
If you were her mother, the thing or two you would have to say to her would exactly that which was mentioned in the article. My mother's mother was even harder on her than she was on me, since life was extremely difficult in Hong Kong during her childhood, and she wanted my mother to have the opportunities that she could not have by coming to the US.
.Ralph Newman replied:
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Harsh judgements? It was hard enough just to get past "garbage". Which audience do you think she writing to? Being a professor at Yale and writing with a "why we are better than you" attitude sums it up for me. Oh, and my children turned out to be accomplished despite being allowed to be in school plays, have "play dates", and being good at athletics. I would consider that to be more well-rounded in our society. The critical points here are discipline and priorities.
Brendon Kerr replied:
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Jen that is the difference between Chinese and Westerners, we do judge and speak out loud, its called freedom of speech, anyone writing has to expect that. As for Chinese mothers doing that, I can tell you that its all changing fast, many daughters at the night clubs in China are not the shy girls people think they are. As for been hard on Children this is because China is such an unfair country where people treat the poor like dirt, and no one wants to be poor because they know it means a life of hell, so they push kids as hard as they can. individuality I feel works, this is why technologies in the West are so far ahead of China's, and the recent gains in China have often been because of buying or stealing technologies. Chinese mums in China often buy copied products, so are they also teaching their kids theft and dishonesty. As for the West, we tried to create an environment that is fun and easy for life in general, where kids can have fun time. Sometimes its a bit excessive but it beats the Chinese way.
shuan chen replied:
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I am from such a Chinese family being raised by a very strict father.
However I still don't find this article funny. In fact, I HATE my father for all that he has done to me.
I hated going home during the holidays knowing he will be there. And I avoid contacting him. Since its customary for grandparents to help raise grandchildren, I will absolutely REFUSE my kids to spend any extend time with them as I do not want their parenting style to have any influence on my children.
But since you apparently approve Amy's approach, I can see you will have no problem beating your children and do to them what your parents did to you. God have mercy on your children.
ALEX SUN replied:
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Ok, there is obviously an amount of over-the-top satire hidden amongst this piece, though it is making a point that seems obvious to anyone who believes that "culture" and not simply "oppression" can lead to bad results. What do I mean by this?
substitute "Chinese" mother with "White" mother and "White mother" with "Black mother". All the people bristling in here about the Chinese mother would probably nod their heads in assent that even though many African-Americans claim to value education, their approach and attitude towards education is just not of the "same intensity" as White parents. There is a "culture" of less importance (or at least a different kind of emotional attachment) ascribed to the concept of "eduction". Each "culture" has a different view of what is acceptable "good-enough" effort and what isn't.
Of course, these are simplistic and way over-generalized arguments, which ignore a lot of other factors. But the African-American community ignores the kernels of truth in these arguments at its own peril, just as Western cultures do by categorically rejecting this article piece (which, again, to me, as an Chinese-American, brings back memories, but also is obviously written purposefully to be over-the-top to shock you into thinking about some fundamental differences between Eastern and Western cultures).
Vlad Nagd replied:
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Look she makes a few lousy jokes, but at the end of the day she is right. I went to a horrible high school, it is so bad few years ago it was closed. School is 99% African American and Hispanic, and i still have list of top 100 students for every year i was there. Top 10-15 names are all Asian..................this can not be a coincidence that in a school where Asians are less than 1% they are some of the best students
Paul Beedle replied:
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Push, Push! No pain no gain. Work hard. You can do it! I agree with it all, including the Hebrew proverb, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." Modern "psychology" that over-pampers and spoils Western children is an abomination.
Yet this article insidiously incorporates an equal abomination... perhaps worse. Its been said before in "My Struggle" (Mein Kompff). It is the error of social Darwinism proven wrong by World War 2. It is an attitude incorporated by an entire nation of superior mothers who allowed a dictator 'to take out the garbage'.
It is possible to make the argument to push for excellence without this horrid mindset. With only one other country now with stealth technology - a country who has just changed the form of its cultural revolution - Westerners need to be prepared for war. Its a nationalist pattern from history for those countries who do not embrace, "All men are created equal."
Steven Graham wrote:
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This reminds me of the observation of a European on American parenting models. Americans treat their children like pets and their pets like children. A child is to play with; a dog is to be trained.
I know a few children that would benefit from a dog training class.
The one upside for American parenting is that by the 3rd generation, these Chinese mothers are indistinguishable from American mothers. Her children may be moderately strict with her grandchildren but her grandchildren will be into having fun with their children.
Now if only the Chinese mothers in China would lower their expectations. Perhaps as the Chinese middle class develops further, America will be able to compete - not be achieving Chinese levels of excellence but by having Chinese drop back to US standards.
Alistair Nicholas wrote:
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I think the Chinese parenting approach has its value in that it is great at producing child prodigies in music and math. The problem of course is those are restricted fields. The draw back is that few Chinese kids turn out very well equipped for success in the modern world. The reason is that all that rote learning and drilling isn't conducive to developing creative thinking abilities; and avoidance of sleepovers, school plays, sports, etc. doesn't make them very team oriented - a real draw back in the modern world. I'm speaking from the experience of living and working in China for 11 years. My Chinese staff all have very high IQ's, possibly higher than the Westerners in the office, and they can all calculate the most complex math problems in their heads while I'm still fumbling with my calculator. But few of them have the skills to lead a team or solve a real problem in today's business world. At the end of the day I'd hire an American from a second rate university over a Chinese with top grades from the top university in China. Why? They know about team work and can think outside the box.
It seems ironic that when people in China are questioning the Chinese approach to parenting and education that an American professor (albeit of Chinese ancestry) is promoting that same method that has been found wanting here to a Western audience. But I don't want to totally diss the Chinese approach - I think there has to be a middle way. Unfortunately this article doesn't promote a balanced approach. Western parents who adopt the Chinese approach in its entirety will come to rue the day.
JEFFREY CONBOY replied:
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I agree with you somewhat. Although I'm Caucasian, my parents raised me very similar to that of the Japanese/Chinese culture. Academics were always placed above anything else, and anything but #1 was not an option. Anything less than straight A's prior to college was unacceptable. Math was stressed very highly at a young age. My biggest weakness is networking and social skills, although I'd consider myself more intelligent than most. In my short time working I have found that intelligence alone is not enough to advance. A more balanced approach seems to be better not only for future careers, but for relationships as well. At the same time, I find that the American culture does not do a good job of rewarding those who are more qualified or put in more hard work. One of my coworkers said it best, "Doing your job well and working harder than others does not necessarily mean advancement or more pay." I have unfortunately seen this all too often.
Greg Arnot replied:
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You fell into a trap created by this article.
There are over 250 million Chinese mothers and each of them is unique. The mother in this article spent time educating her girls...most Chinese mothers do not have this luxury.
It is fun to stereotype...but don't make the mistake of actually believing your stereotypes.
I own a company in China. Creativity is a huge problem...the people are so creative, they continually invent new ways to do routine tasks which I do not want re-invented. They are not afraid to innovate and they gain "face" from haing their innovations succeed.
The Chinese are so creative, managing them in a free environment is like trying to get ducks to line up alphabetically.
This Chinese mother is funny....and she is an extreme stereotype...but she does not represent Chinese mothers.
David Nichols replied:
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I have a question, your view of chinese ability within a company is so totally different from mine. I have been to China often, done business with the chinese at their trade shows and have had dozens of chinese American officers who have worked for me in the Army. They rise to the highest levels of the Army, find unique ways to solve industry issues and love to compete in both sports and entertainment areas.........I can name hundreds of companies who beg to hire them, cant do without them and find them an asset......to get a person like that in a company today with western parenting norms is impossible. Americans as a rule don't insist on excellence and belive that emotional feeling is more important that the contribution of one to its culture or society.....in short the need of the one out weighs the need of the many....don't you see that as a short sided view of greatness?
Big Bear replied:
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It is funny to observe how Nicholas use his example of willing to hire a second rate graduate from American University over a top grader from top school in China to prove his points and come up with the highest recommendations.
First question. Who hire top student from top school in China? Guess what? Brand name international cooperates. IBM, Intel, P&G, just to name a few. They know how to manage those talents and provide necessary infrastructure for them to thrive, both physical and cultural. Why? because they HAD managed same pool of high IQ people back in their own country. Chinese are not known to be obediance. How will a second rate manager be able to handle first class staff? Simply you got a paler facial skin?
There is nothing astonishing by wanting a second rate staff. One example, a couple years back, some local Chinese domestic company clearly stated in their recruiting policy that "no Beida, no Tsinghua", which are the top two school in China. Why? They know they cant handle those super smart people. On the contrary, back in 90s, when P&G first entered Chinese market, they only held recruting meeting in top schools. Even for someone to sell toothpaste, they are not afraid to get those high IQ people in. Why? They just know better how to handle them.
Second question. Why not hire top student from top school from American instead of second rate school? The answer is probably second rate school graduate is enough to perform whatever this Nicholas want. Team work? second rate graduate do not ask that many questions, much easy to manage. That is most likely what Nicholas meant by teamwork in his world. Now that if top graduate ask good questions or too many questions, isn't it the indication of being able to think outside of box? Maybe too outside of the box of this Nicholas can ever image. It is so entertaining to see he put these two thing together.
As someone who has been in USA for a prolong period of time, attended schools both in China and USA, taught in schools. I have a lot of observations on education system in both countries. One thing is simple, second rate is second rate. The only way to improve one's well being is by working hard. This is what Edison call "99% of perspiration".
In addition, I worked in real business in various setting and had many chance to observe how those graduates of second rate behave. Yeah, sure, some of them really do know how to think outside of box, after reading some propaganda in wsj about China and suddenly think he is rightly equipped to lecture me about China. Some 22 years old never lived outside of a centra state has the nerve to think that way? Do those second rate even know how to think? Do they even know how to think inside the box?
The post by Nicholas is nothing but an over reaction to the word "superior" in original Amy Chua's title. By using an example of his willingness to hire a second rate over a top graduate, Nicholas tried to get even by putting down top graduates from China, and quite interestingly, in his term, any American graduate can do that, even a second rate one. However, his inherent illogic and seeming rational organized thought flow further depicted what a second rate brain can catch, i.e. the superficial wording. Nicholas and many others totally missed the main point, which I will not say it to ruin Chua's book sale.
The fact that his comment get so many recommendations further strengthen my point. second rate is second rate and they are much more popular than the first rate.
Yeah, really popular, like the older son in the "death of a saleman", but wait, did he get in Boston college? No, he did not. becuase he flunk in math. but, who cares, that was such a long time ago, who cares about that Miller any more.
I have a second opinion. I think Miller's time was the true great American time.
or maybe not so great according to some. school at that time did not sell simple cheap inflated grades. did not help those second rate pursue easy and cheap happiness, what do you say?
Justin Wright replied:
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Your experience with Chinese workers in China does not apply to Chinese Americans in America. Until recently, the Chinese workers you employ were raised under a repressive authoritarian government debasing intellectual pursuits and personal freedoms (still so to a certain degree -- last I checked, it was still communist). There are plenty of newly minted millionaires in China. I would say this indicates a high degree of entrepreneurship - when given the freedom to do so. And they would likely not be the Chinese workers who apply for a job at your company.
Would you be predisposed to hire a "American" person from a second rate university over a Chinese-American?
What hard data do you have that "few Chinese kids turn out very well equipped for success in the modern world," as it pertains to Chinese Americans, and Amy Chua's children? Of course it depends on how you define success. I believe you focused on business success. However, there are many Asians, among others, toiling in the trenches of medical research labs trying to find cures -- incremental progress is as important as major breakthroughs, which often rely on the former. It takes a lot of creativity and imagination to do scientific research. Would you say these are successful individuals?
I agree rote learning and drilling have its drawbacks in parenting, IF that is the only method used. Note that Ms. Chua in teilling LuLu to make her another birthday card was challenging LuLu to be more creative (which she probably knows LuLu is capable of).
A "balanced" approach is often a sub-optimal approach, keeping in mind that Ms. Chua's method is an extreme example of the "Chinese model," which she has tempered at the end of her book (it is not made clear in the WSJ article that Ms. Chua's book is a memoir). I doubt if all "Western parents" will adopt the Chinese approach since it takes an enormous amount of time, effort, and self-sacrifice -- as several posters have noted.
Robert Hemedes wrote:
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This article helps explain why Asians are under-represented in acting roles and over-represented in classical music orchestras.
I must point out that the male Chinese, Koreans and Japanese love playing videogames.
Perry Chen replied:
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Tis true. My parents let me play as much as I want, so long as I maintain a steady stream of A's. At least back in high school.
And my mother was in many ways, a stereotypical "Chinese parent" as well. However, it would be a stretch to say that most Chinese parents demand their kids to be number one - many of them know it's impossible, and so did my parents. However, the point that the author makes about Chinese parents knowing that their children are capable of A's, is well, very much grounded in the Chinese psyche that demands academic success above everything thing else.
I must also add that Chinese parents also vary in their strictness as well, something that this author fails to note, either out of sarcastic nature of this piece or ignorance. My parents honestly weren't so strict compared to my friends' parents...
Frank Castle replied:
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Questionable. What race was Shakespere?
Harvey Kitay replied:
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What a bigoted person you are! In case you did not know this from reading The Dearborn Independent, classical music performance is a form of entertainment.
ROBERT CHAPMAN wrote:
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Intriguing. I'm "white". I have a blend of European genes. Because of this, I'm "white". My identity is somehow associated with my skin color. Not so for Chinese. I find that interesting. I've competed with Asian students (Asia does include more than China, which is the center of the world in Chinese). I've always beaten them at everything. I've done this from a boy through graduate school. I've found the same ease in "outperforming" Chinese in postdoctoral studies. I never gave it much thought. I did find most Chinese to lack creativity and the ability to produce original thought. Indeed, we're seeing graduate programs in China producing complete fiction in so-called "research publications". The work is irreproducible. China is well known for ignoring patents and copyrights. Given their inability to produce anything of originality in modern times, I'm not surprised. I wonder what "Mother Superior" thinks about this.
Stephen Edmondson replied:
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so you have beat all the chinese in your little world (lets assume you are telling the truth).. so? what if you were in china and having to compete with native chinese speakers? are you superior than all chinese? if not, what is your point?
ok some chinese school produce fake research results, does this mean all chinese schools are this dishonest? if not, what is your point?
as to china's inability to produce "anything" original in modern times, i think you mean "things" that are commercially successful and/or bring competitive advantages to countries of the inventor? don't you think thats too narrow a definition for "anything original"?
i think you are speaking in such generalized terms, just like the author of the article that you despised.
GUOYAO ZHANG replied:
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I am a Chinese mother. I agree with you that Chinese often produce good engineers, but not inventors; excellent piano players but not once-in-a-life time musicians. The Chinese way of parenting described by Ms. Chua tends to destroy the creativeness in a child because the parents tend to overlook the true talent and feelings of their child. they think they really know what's good for the kid and the kid just need to obey. However, I do think Chinese parents are good at teaching kids the importance of disciplines and work ethics. They make sure kids understand there is no short-cut to any success. Hard-work and disciplines are the only way to achieve their dreams/goals. Actually, I think there is no difference at this end between Chinese or western parents who behind every successful child.
james graham replied:
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Guoyao has a point, but there are indeed considerable differences, at least here in America. Many, but not all, parents of Asian cultures tend to have children who perform well in school here. There may very well be something to the notion that a child must be forced to do some things, and that the force needed may be harsh. There may very well be something to the notion that forcing the child to do what the parents want above all may be bad for creativity. How these two polar opposite notions get resolved is a tough issue. Nevertheless, we can agree on one thing - while Asian children excel in school here, Asia does not rule the world. Nor can you say that all children in Asia live up to the standards described in this article. Why is that?
Anthony Pohle wrote:
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I suspect our author would get along very nicely with Juctice Sotomayer.
Maybe the two of them can come up with some Asian/Hispanic feminist child rearing doctrine. Maybe in the form of a little red book that they can hand out with our new insurance cards.
This author should know better and should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Granted American mothers and fathers have room for much improvement but this article is thoroughly sickening.
Andrew James wrote:
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Don't get defensive guys -- the author was being a bit overly dramatic to give insight into a very real phenomenon.
My observation is that many (not all) Chinese American parents are simply employing the "because we're outsiders we need to excel" approach to raising their kids. It's not as much a racial thing, as a cultural & social response to their circumstances. Jewish, Indian and even some African-American parents display similar behavior, although none quite to the extreme that I've seen from Chinese American parents. In some ways it leads to a perverse stereotype ... can you imagine a Chinese kid who is only average in math?? People would wonder what was wrong with them!
WENDY MORRIS wrote:
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My mother was an Irish immigrant to the U.S. in the early 1960s. She was determined that her two American-born children were not going to waste any advantage offered to them by this great country, particularly higher educational opportunities. In my cuture, it was assumed that children came out of the womb strong enough to have high goals set for them, to meet these goals and to be corrected when they failed to meet them. My mother shares many characteristics with the Chinese mothers. There comes a child time when each child has to decide whether to be ordinary in life or to be something more. Your parents help you see that you can be extraordinary.
David Rossi wrote:
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As a student at a prestigious American University, your article astounds me.
The 'Chinese' method resembles the old European method of severity and drills. Problem with this method is that it stifles what really matters: creativity, communication, strategic thinking, and leadership.
How can you develop necessary communication, leadership or strategic thinking skills when all you do is play an instrument for hours?
I really don't care if one can exquisitely execute a Chopin piece on the piano or took calculus in the 8th grade because your parents made you do math instead of playing outside. If you don’t have the skills listed above you will be at a severe disadvantage in life despite acing your SATs.
Jack Worthington wrote:
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This article hits it on the head. If you've been to any major university in California in the past 20 years you know which parenting style is better. The western kids choose marine biology or "communications" while the Asians go with the majors that put bread on the table. The western upbringing is a bundle of excuses wrapped in over indulgence. It produces spoiled, ever victimized Jeff Spicolis and Big "the dude" Lebowskis while the Asians end up on top.
I say good for the Asians, survival of the fittest culture. Westerners have become a bunch of snuggy wearing, video game playing, emotionally stunted children with pierced nipples . You can work hard in your youth and enjoy your adulthood, or you can enjoy your youth and have reality kick you in the face as an adult.
Of course all these western kids turn out to be great "leaders" and "critical thinkers." Not really, just a bunch of untalented narcissists if you ask me.
Allison Lacson replied:
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Way to assume that "western kids" like myself are all a bunch of untalented narcissists. Are you currently a student at a major California university or any highly rated university at the moment? I'd be willing to bet not, so I wouldn't make such bold assumptions.
Yes Asians more often than not choose majors such as engineering and are undoubtedly successful at it. Great. Good for them. My sister currently attends UCLA and is an environmental engineer and is at the top of her class. And guess what? She's not Asian--she's a western kid. I graduated from the University of Michigan with a degree in Communications and I plan on attending law school this fall. I'd say I'm doing a whole lot better than you would assume. People I graduated that were not Asian? Working at Google, at JP Morgan Chase as financial analysts, at NBC and starting their own companies and are on track to be tomorrow's leaders.
Maybe the way some kids are brought up is more relaxed than it should be, but that in no way means that parents need to be as harsh and strict as this author is with her kids. Bottom line, don't assume all "Western Kids" are anything like how you paint us to be. Big mistake.
Suzanne Nussbaum wrote:
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I think the author was exaggerating (to a certain extent) and makes a valid point about some aspects of Western parenting styles. Mea culpa! I know how fortunate I was, when my older child was starting piano lessons at about age 5, to encounter a mom of a 4-year-old studying with the same piano teacher--this mom was herself a musician, and, incidentally, from Korea--and in a chatting sort of way I commented that my daughter loved her lessons, loved the teacher, "but didn't always want to practice." The Korean cellist-mom looked at me in amazement and said, "Of course they don't want to practice! They're just children! You have to make them!" and I know that from then on, I began to think of it as akin to my parental attitude towards brushing teeth (non-negotiable) or, later on, doing homework. So, there were bargains (practice before TV, or maybe this show, then practicing, if you want to be able to see this show, etc.). I'm glad that mom and I talked--I can't count the number of times other parents said to me, later on and wistfully, contrasting their child with mine, "Gee, I wish my little so-and-so would practice, but she just doesn't want to." That seemed to be the accepted, expected Western attitude: sure, give your kids an instrument, arrange for lessons, but practicing--that had to be on them, as if to say, if following their bliss leads them to practice the instrument, so much the better, and if not, then not! I'm happy to say I lived long enough to have my daughter thank me for making her practice! On the other hand, when my younger child asked for a violin, but then balked at the lessons and home practice we were supposed to do, I so hated the sound of myself yelling, that I nipped the whole thing in the bud, cancelled the lessons, returned the violin, told the child it was OK and we'd have him play something else later. He has wound up being an excellent clarinetist, so no regrets... I guess I would have prided myself more on 'managing' the child to do what I had in mind, than on using brute force. But I have to say I was deeply moved when I read that forcing Lulu to play the Ibert piece finally paid off.
Kevin Neilson wrote:
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Humorous. I think this may be embellished a little. I'm sure this isn't the norm in Asia. The author states that a Chinese child would never get a B. This may be partially true in central Shanghai or Tapei, but the median Asian child is probably barely literate, let alone a B student.
MILTON NABE replied:
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The reason that Asian kids excel in the US is because they are descendants of an ambitious self-selected group that left their homeland in search of better opportunities. This invariably makes this group well above average.
It takes a lot of get up and go to get up and go from your homeland.
james benning replied:
It takes a lot of get up and go to get up and go from your homeland.
not if it's a communist run thirld world polluted cesspool.........
Meichi Lee replied:
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Very true.
Nellie Popper replied:
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And it takes a lot of courage and self-confidence as well, the same character traits that the first Europeans who came to America had.
MILTON NABE replied:
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James,
Have you spent any time in China. I have recently (and I'm not Chinese). It is a far more capitalist system than America is today. The government interferes heavily in a few industries, but leaves most alone.
Craig Johnson replied:
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Allowing your citizens to make profits is the only prerequisite to great country. That's why so many Americans are illegally immigrating to China, not vice versa. Never mind basic human rights that much of the world enjoys but Chinese don't.
Candace Kalish wrote:
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I've already said my piece about the author's writing style, but I can add that she's ignorant, too. Taiwan has started to experience an epidemic of eating disorders among girls, as has South Korea. Apparently, that bracing "lose some weight, fatty" approach can backfire.
American parents need to hear serious arguments in favor of replacing the cult of self esteem with one of accomplishment. This silly article, however, is nothing but a showcase for the author's vanity.
Meichi Lee replied:
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yes, the author was showcasing her vanity, but my kid never played Carnegie hall!
Emily Rogers replied:
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Did your kid WANT to play Carnegie Hall? Q11)Q6)Q43)Q37) 感谢翻译，翻译辛苦！这个主题很有意思，评论很丰富，涉及内容很广泛，值得阅读和思考。教育是一个国家民族的未来。美国出版业的编辑们策划了这个中国母亲选题，可以看出他们正在进行深入的探索和思考，并且通过策划出版让更广泛的人加入讨论和思考。从这个角度上看，美国人虽然走下坡路，实质上还是很强大的。 我觉得采用何种家庭教育方式是很私人化的东西，主要看父母是如何定位自己的子女，孩子对父母教育方式的接受程度如何，如果太反抗，就要改变方法，总之要孩子接受自己的想法，光靠强迫、限制是不行的。
中国虎妈的方式不代表中国人，具有重视教育传统的中国文化也不是靠这种方式培育孩子成功的，更多的是因势利导、循循善诱，还有父母的身体力行。 让蔡美儿的众多诽谤者感到吃惊的事实是，她的教养方法得到了心理学和认知科学(cognitive science)研究的支持。例如，蔡美儿声称美国父母在缓解子女的不适和压力上做得太过头了。与此形成强烈对比的是，中国父母宁可接受压力，而不愿意选择懦弱。由此让他们的行为与美国父母有很大的不同。
在《今日心理学(Psychology Today)》杂志自由撰稿人Hara Estroff Marano于2008年出版的著作《懦弱的国度(ANation of Wimps)》中，所展示的经分析后的证据表明，蔡美儿的教养方法是正确的。Marano的解释是，研究结果表明，未接受过应对各种难题的儿童，在成长过程中建立不起心理学家们称之为的“掌控体验”(mastery experiences)。建立起这种体验的孩子会更乐观、更坚定，他们感到自己能够应对逆境和实现目标。Marano还称，从未经历过能力考验的孩子，会成长为情感上脆弱的年轻人，他们很难通过焦虑和压抑的考验。
蔡美儿认为美国父母教养子女时出问题的习惯是，总对付出很少努力的子女做过度的褒奖。他们总是赞扬自己的子女是天才，而亚裔父母强调子女付出努力程度的重要性。斯坦福大学心理学家Carol Dweck的研究结果发现，事实上，父母赞扬的方式直接影响着子女的努力程度，甚至也会影响子女们如何看待自己。
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