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本帖最后由 woikuraki 于 2012-4-1 14:19 编辑
I Was The First White Woman To Audition For China's Biggest TV Dating Show
Kristin Graham, Minyanville | Mar. 21, 2012, 8:05 PM | 480 | 3
http://www.businessinsider.com/i-was-the-first-white-woman-to-audition-for-chinas-biggest-tv-dating-show-2012-3
http://www.minyanville.com/business-news/editors-pick/articles/if-you-are-the-one-chinese/3/16/2012/id/39814
Am I the one?
That’s the question I’m hoping to answer by participating in Fei Cheng Wu Rao (If You Are the One), China’s most famous dating show and one of China’s most popular television shows in general. So popular it's watched by roughly 300 million people -- the entire population of the US -- each week.
For comparison's sake, America's popular dating show The Bachelor, on ABC (DIS), attracts an audience of about 7.75 million for every episode, or 2.6% of America's total population. China's If You Are the One pulls 21% of the national population.
The program is produced by Jiangsu Broadcasting, but like all Chinese television shows, it's ultimately controlled by the government. It's filmed in Nanjing, the old capital of China, and airs on Jiangsu Satellite TV. If You Are the One is likely about to gain even more viewers as the government has recently cracked down on entertainment programs, decreasing the number aired from 126 to 38 every week. President Hu Jintao warned of the influence of Western culture as the decision was announced.
In fact, If You Are the One is modeled after a Western show, a program called Taken Out, from Australia. It's filmed on a stage with one male bachelor and 24 female candidates. The women stand at individual podiums and use their podium lights to indicate interest in dating the bachelor in question. As they watch video snippets about the candidate's life and listen to him exchange banter with the witty host, the women decide whether to keep their podium lights on or switch them off, effectively dropping out of the running. (Of course there are other twists and turns to the elimination process, described here.)
So how did I first get mixed up in this dating show phenomenon?
In this case the credit goes to a good friend of mine here in China, where I've been living for nearly three years as a retail market analyst. Knowing my adventurous nature, this friend recently convinced me to apply to be one of 24 girls vying to win the heart of a Chinese stud and a ticket for two to Hawaii. A week later, I found myself spitting out the most complicated Mandarin I’ve ever spoken during a screening interview to appear on the show.
If selected, I'll be the first American Caucasian female to compete, which could prove interesting since Caucasian female/Chinese male relationships are rare and sometimes thought of as rather taboo by parents who stereotype Western females as provocative. (So far, foreign candidates on past shows have included British and American men in the bachelor role and one Filipino-American woman.) What I know now is that I've basically passed the audition, but the producers are still deliberating over whether I can appear on the show as part of a tag-team duo -- despite speaking some broken Mandarin, I'd need my friend to stand beside me on stage and act as a translator.
Still, no Chinese mother should fear my presence on the show just yet. After auditioning, I have to confess that I question my potential compatibility with a Chinese man. Not because of looks, fashion sense, or even the inability for the two of us to communicate fluently. The barrier that stands between me and finding love on a cheesy reality show comes down to finances.
Set in My Western Ways?
Having worked and lived a non-traditional expat life in China since 2009, I have integrated into the culture so much that some of my American roots have seemingly disappeared. I eat the local food daily, shop in wet markets, have learned to eat any part of any animal, and even use chopsticks in my own home. These days I rarely catch more than a short playback of a football game, but I routinely join friends for competitive games of badminton. I wear my coat in the office and drink hot water when I'm cold rather than complaining about the lack of proper heat ing. I place a high importance on saving face, and fully comprehend the importance of one's guanxi (personal network). I even comfortably integrated into my friend’s non-English speaking family for the week of Chinese New Year in her hometown of Jilin, a small Tier 3 city. I joined in games of ping-pong, shopped for fireworks, and prepared dumplings and numerous family dinners.
Having a circle of friends that consists of more Chinese than Western expats and observing the US from the outside in, my views of America have been re-shaped and I've come to understand much of China and the way the people think. Quite honestly, I feel at home here.
Still, some cultural differences persist. Some concepts remain incomprehensible to me no matter how hard I try to grasp them. Chinese attitudes toward personal finance are by far the most perplexing.
What Are Your Thoughts on Spending Money?
Tying a dating show to finance may sound like a difficult task. But as my friend translated the personal information form at the audition, it became evident that money was a major theme. I barely got to mention my hobbies and what makes me unique as a person before I was answering the following questions:What are your thoughts on spending money?
Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
Who will control the finances in a relationship or marriage?
What is your salary? What salary must your potential date earn?
Do you own a car and house? Must your potential date own a house and car?
What is the profession of your father and mother?
The questions may not have seemed as curious to my fellow contestants, however. While waiting for my turn at the audition, another woman who was there to compete sat down next to me, asking why I wanted to be on the show. The conversation quickly turned to money. She asked about the level and currency of my salary, suggesting that as a foreigner, I must be a high earner of US dollars. (She was wrong.)
The dating show audition was far from my first run-in with China’s materialistic dating world. And the questions were not all that surprising given the stories I've heard from many Chinese friends. But it provided a perfect example of how China is evolving.
Reminbi Love
Based on conversations with friends, I’ve learned that many Chinese women expect to receive luxury handbags early on in a relationship. It’s believed such actions show a man’s commitment and love. Learning that I was heading to the US for a visit, a male friend once joked that I should bring him back a suitcase of luxury gifts. He wanted me to save him from having to buy highly marked-up products here in China. He literally needed an inventory of luxury goods for future relationships.
In some relationships, men offer their significant other an “allowance” each month, even when the men are already living on minimal salaries. For many women, a man’s inability to purchase an apartment is a relationship deal breaker, destroying potential marriages.
I once visited Shanghai’s Marriage Market, a designated park where parents convene each Saturday to find their children mates. The park is like an offline Match.com, with paper profiles dangling from trees. The vitals always include income levels and home and car ownership.
A typical profile in Shanghai's "Marriage Market" park.
My amusement with the concept quickly turned somber after striking a conversation with a father who proudly spoke of his son, an engineer. He was vividly distressed over the fact he could not afford to purchase his son an apartment and believed the inability to do so leaves his son no hope for a wife.
No Financial Common Sense?
China’s property bubble is no new news. So it makes one wonder just how the future of so many relationships are built on house ownership. As of December 2011, the average home price in Shanghai was RMB 22,238 (USD 3,513) per square meter. Automobiles cost nearly twice the sticker price in the US, not to mention that just to purchase the license plate for a car sets one back nearly RMB 50,000 (USD 8,000).
Factor in average salaries and these numbers become astounding. The average Shanghai salary is just RMB 5,526 (USD 876). While that number is certainly distorted and underreported due to substantial gray income, it still reflects the reality for average Chinese. Ownership of homes and cars is a major financial burden, and yet it plays a critical role in the relationship between two Chinese individuals and their parents.
I've heard stories of couples who earn a combined monthly pre-tax income of RMB 10,000, while paying a RMB 8,000 mortgage every month. They have no money to live, but they have a home.
One of the most talked about lines to come from If You Are the One came from a previous contestant who expressed her views on relationships and money quite bluntly: “I’d rather weep in a BMW than laugh on a bicycle.” The show's critics were not pleased, and neither was the government, which came out with a list of rules regarding social and moral values that should be enforced by dating shows. The woman who made the comment did not "win" that night on the show, but she was offered many other TV deals.
In many cases, materialistic behavior is encouraged by parents, as some of my female colleagues have stated that while they themselves do not require a house or car from a future mate, their parents do. The attitude is somewhat understanding based on China’s recent past and the life many older parents experienced. Every Chinese parent wants to ensure their child does not have to endure what they did. But their new perspective also stands in contrast to the traditional mentality -- always save for a rainy day. And it shows how China has transitioned into a society that just may be more materialistic than America.
Living in a Material World
It seems only natural that a greater focus on money has emerged given how quickly China is growing its wealth. To be fair, some of this behavior is concentrated in more developed cities like Shanghai. But it's rapidly spreading to smaller cities as well. I recently heard a story about a friend’s family member from Jilin who insisted on having a RMB 700,000+ (USD 110,000+) engagement ring. When the even wealthier to-be-groom said no, she convinced her mother to purchase it for her. The two are now divorced.
US wealth is divided between “new” and “old.” Spending habits differ between the two types. In China, it's all new wealth, typically earned rapidly and in great quantities (and in many cases unethically), which instantly changes people’s lives and views on how to spend it.
I can say with certainty that most of the male candidates in the show I'm striving to appear on would be stunned with the answers I truthfully filled out on my application. Perhaps we Americans will never shake one persistent stereotype -- that we're big spenders with negative savings rates. But I believe that we're still far less materialistic than many modern Chinese. I left many blanks next to questions about earnings, and answered “no’s” to questions about whether my date must own his own home, car, and other luxuries. I’m still wondering about the lack of emphasis on relevant questions, such as desired hobbies and interests.
The men and women evaluating my audition performance may have been surprised to learn that I'm not looking for money. I'm seeking an ambitious professional like myself who enjoys traveling, sporting activities, and cultural experiences. I want someone to share adventures with, not someone to sit with inside a home we can’t afford to leave.
I sincerely hope I have the chance to participate and set an example for this country that money isn’t everything. And, of course, I hope to find the man of my dreams.
我衷心希望我有机会参与，并能以一个西方白种女孩的身份告诉中国的朋友：钱其实不是一切。当然，我也希望能找到我的白马王子！
Kristin Graham, CFA, an occasional contributor to Minyanville, has been working in China since 2009. She currently works for Kantar Retail as a Market Insights Consultant, offering deep analysis and insight on the Chinese retail market as well as foreign and local retailers operating in China. Prior to this, she worked in investment research for five years.
我是注定个那个人吗？
这正是我要参加非常勿扰，要回答的问题。非诚勿扰是中国最有名的相亲节目，也是中国最受欢迎的电视节目，每周有3亿人观看，这个数量已经是美国的全部人口数量。
对比来看，美国最受欢迎的相亲节目ABC电视台的Bachelor每期有大概775万观众，占美国人口总数的百分之2.6。而中国的非诚勿扰吸引了全国人口的五分之一的观众。
这个节目是江苏广播电视台制作，但这如其他中国电视节目一样，最终还是要受政府的管制。节目在中国古都南京录制，通过江苏卫视播放。政府最近停播了很多娱乐节目，节目数量已经从每周126个减少到38个。这会为非诚勿扰带来更多的观众。
事实上，非诚勿扰是以一个叫做Taken Out 的澳大利亚节目为原本制作。节目录制的舞台有一名男嘉宾和24名女嘉宾。女嘉宾每人站在一个独立的讲台旁，通过讲台上的灯来表示对男嘉宾是否心仪。节目会播放介绍嘉宾生活的视频短片，然后男嘉宾会和机智的主持人交谈，最后女嘉宾决定是亮着还是熄灭自己的灯，灭灯就意味着放弃。
我是如何卷入相亲节目的呢？
这要归功于我在中国的好朋友。我来中国三年了，是个零售市场分析师。这个朋友了解我的个性，知道我喜欢新鲜的事物。她说服我去和其他23个女孩竞争，赢得一个中国学生的心以及去夏威夷的双人票。一周后，在为节目录制的视频访谈中，我讲出了自己讲过的最复杂的普通话。
如果我被选上了，我将是第一个美国白人女嘉宾。有趣的是，美国白人女性和中国男性之间的爱情在父母看来是禁忌，他们陈腐的想法觉得西方女性太过开放。（到现在为止，只有英国人和美国男人以及美籍菲律宾女人参加过非诚勿扰）现在我知道的是我基本上通过了面试，但是制片人仍在考虑是否能让我参加这样的相亲节目——我的普通话讲的不好，常常需要我的朋友陪我站在台上，为我翻译。
然而，中国的母亲还不用担心我的出现。面试之后，我坦诚，我能接受中国男人的条件。不只是外表，时尚品味不同，以及我们无法正常的交流。但这都不是问题。问题是，经济状况。
我禁锢在西方的模式里？
自从2009年我到中国来工作和生活，我完全融入了这的文化，甚至连一些美国性格都逐渐消失了。我每天吃当地的食物，逛菜市场，学着吃动物内脏，甚至我在自己家都用筷子。那些日子，我很少玩足球，但却常常和我的朋友们打羽毛球。我在办公室冷的时候，就穿上外套，喝点热水，而不是抱怨取暖不好。我越来越重视面子，而且完全理解了“关系”的重要性。我甚至在我朋友的家过了农历新年。我在她的家乡吉林市，一个三线小城市，呆了一周，大家都说普通话，但我却觉得非常习惯。我玩了乒乓球，买了烟花，还包了很多饺子，准备了丰盛的年夜饭。
由于我身边的中国朋友比美国朋友多，所以我也开始从旁观者的角度来看待美国。我对美国的印象有了改变，而且开始理解中国和中国人的思维方式。坦白说，我觉得这里像家一样。
然而，文化差异仍然存在。无论我多努力，仍然有一些观念我接受不了。中国人对个人经济状况的关注是我最理解不了的。
你对金钱花销有什么看法？
把经济状况和相亲节目连在一起，听起来并不容易。但是当我的朋友把面试的个人信息表翻译给我的时候，我发现，经济状况很明显是最重要的主题。我几乎没有机会提到我的兴趣爱好，我的独特之处。我只能回答：
你对金钱花销有什么看法？
你接受婚前协议吗？
在恋爱或婚姻中你认为该由谁掌握经济大权？
你的薪水是多少？你对另一半的薪水期待是多少？
你有房有车吗？你要求对方一定要有房有车吗？
你父母的职业都是什么？
然而，我的竞争者对这个问题并不感到好奇。等待面试的时候，坐在我旁边的女人问我为什么想要参加这个节目。没聊几句就谈到的钱的问题。她询问了我的薪资水平和状况，还说由于我是个外国人薪水一定很高。（但其实她错了）
节目的面试感受到的远不及我对中国恋爱关系中的虚荣的了解。由于我的朋友给我讲过很多故事，所以这个问题对我来说没那么意外了。但是这正是中国正在发展的证据。
热爱人民币
我和朋友们聊天时，听说中国女人刚开始约会就希望对方能送昂贵的手提包做礼物。她们觉得昂贵的手提包是承诺和爱的证明。听这个故事的同时，我正在去美国访问的途中，一个男性友人和我开玩笑说我应该给他带回一手提箱的昂贵礼物。他希望我给他带回些中国的标价高的产品，这样能帮他省很多钱。他说他很需要一些奢侈品，来维持以后恋爱的稳定。
在一些关系中，即使男方只有很少的薪水，还是每个月都给女方很多“补贴”。 对于许多女人来说，能不能买房子是个原则问题，如果没有这个能力，那么关系也就随之破裂。
我曾经去过上海婚姻市场，一个可以供父母在周末聚集在一起，给子女找对象的公园。这个公园就像一个线下的Match.com。公园的树上悬挂着纸印的档案。重点多数在是否拥有房产和车子。
开始我觉得这很有趣，但是和其中一位父亲聊了一会后，我才发现这样的情况并不那么乐观。这位父亲非常以他作为工程师的儿子为傲。他因为不能给他儿子买房子，十分内疚。他觉得是因为自己没有能力，儿子才不容易找到老婆。
缺乏经济常识？
中国的地产泡沫现象已经并不新鲜了。所以人们会想为何很多恋爱关系都以房子为基础。因为2011年12月，上海市的平均房价已经达到了每平方米22238元。汽车价格也达到的美国的2倍，连办个车牌都要花费50000元的高价。
平均薪资水平也越来越惊人。上海的平均薪资水品只有5526元。这并非确切的数字，因为大量的灰色收入并没有计算在内，但这个数字仍然反映了中国人的平均水平。房子和车成了最主要的经济压力，也在男女双方和其父母之间关系之间起着重要的作用。
我听过一个故事，一对夫妻税前的月薪是10000元，但他们每个月要还8000的贷款。他们没有钱生存，但他们有房子。
非诚勿扰中话题最多的嘉宾，曾经直率地表明她对恋爱以及金钱的看法:我宁可在宝马上哭，也不要在自行车上笑。很过观众并不赞同这样的观点，政府也一样。所以政府列出一些节目必须坚持的社会观和价值观。制造这个话题的女嘉宾并没有赢得当晚的节目，但是她接到了很多其他电视台的项目。
多数情况下，子女虚荣正是源于父母的鼓励。我的很多女同事说，即使她们不要求对方有车有房，但父母会要求。这种观点某种程度上源于中国的过去和父母所经历的生活。中国的所有父母都不希望子女精力他们曾经历的苦日子。但是他们的新观点又与未雨绸缪这样的传统观念背道而驰。这同时证明了中国已经变成了比美国更虚荣的社会。
活在物质世界中
由于中国经济发展迅速，所有人们过于重视金钱似乎很正常。但是公平来讲，这些现象主要集中在像上海这样的大城市。但同时也很快的蔓延到小城市。我最近听朋友说，她在吉林省的亲戚坚持要价值70万的订婚戒指。但家境不错的新郎拒绝后，她让自己的妈妈为她买了那枚戒指。他们两个却离婚了。
美国有新富和旧富两类人。这两类人的花销习惯并不相同。在中国，所有的富人都属于新富，典型的暴发户。暴富会改变人们的生活和价值观。
我不能确定我期待上的这个节目里，大多数的男嘉宾是否都会对我表格里填写的答案惊讶。也许我们美国人永远不会对一个传统观念动摇，那就是我们很爱花钱，我们储蓄率很低。但是我相信我们还远不及现代中国虚荣。很多关于薪资的问题我都没有回答。是否要求对方有车有房或者其他奢侈品，我选择了不需要。我还是不明白为什么不问些有用的问题，比如说兴趣爱好之类的。
面试我的评委可能会惊讶，我并不是为了钱而来。我想找个和我一样有理想，有专业，喜欢旅行，运动和文化的人。我想找个人来分享这些经历，而不是找个人呆在房子里。
我真诚的希望我能参加这个节目，而且用我自己作为例子告诉这个国家钱不是万能的。当然，我希望找到我的梦中情人。
Kristin Graham，注册金融分析师，自2009年起在中国工作。她现在就职于Kantar Retail ，是一名市场观察顾问，深入观察和分析中国零售市场以及外国和本土零售商在中国的运作情况。这之前，她在一家投资研究中心工作了5年。
http://article.yeeyan.org/view/292555/261621
补充内容 (2012-3-25 20:45):
译文在31楼。 |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2012-3-22 11:22
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发表于 2012-3-22 11:43
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