7.5幻灯视频文字大纲！英语达人请进！

风之幽魂

前几日我说过，要做为7.5事件一个幻灯视频，材料就取自虎踞龙蟠同学的《7-5事件英文说图之真相》。
现在，我已经大概拟出了一个文字大纲，无奈英语写作不过关，很多句子我自己读起来都觉得不是很顺~~~所以贴出来，还望各位不吝赐教~~~


（附注：段落前的“——”号表示翻页）

——Viewers be warned：graphic content！
——On July 5, 2009, violent mobs instigated by Rabiye Qadir, head of World Uyghur Congress, committed brutal violence in Urumchi, China. After being dispersed by police, the mobs ran into streets killing EVERY passer-by of Han ethnicity and beating others. By daytime 3 innocent & 1 policeman were reported dead; but overnight 152 passers-by, most of them of Han ethnicity and some belonging to other ethnic groups, were found killed! 1080 wounded! Some western reports are lying about this, I appeal to your human decency. Help us spread the truth so that the world would not be misled，and the innocent victims will be served by law.
（这一段是大家的讨论的结晶，但由于与BGM中要传达的“低沉的悲愤”的情绪相比，这一段的情绪显得过于平和，于是我把它放在几乎听不到音乐的前奏部分作前言了，发现效果还不错~~~）
——Photos showing facts of July-5 antiman crime instigated by Rabiye Qadir
——（下面是虎踞龙蟠同学的英文说图——去长篇说明版）（从下面开始就是我自己写的了——除了最后一页）
——All these tragedies was caused by this woman and her followers!
——（热比娅照片及暴徒掀翻警车照片）
——She is the arch-criminal who made so many innocent people die,and so many happy families break!
——People around the world,now you have to make a chioce.You can either stand on the side of Chinese people,or of the terrorists.It`s your own business to chose your side,but we strongly suggest you to do the right thing.
——Presented by 风之幽魂
    Captions
    虎踞龙蟠  免禽  Curiouspuppy
——BGM  Requiem for a Dream
——bbs.m4.cn
——More details at the following link:
http://bbs.m4.cn/forum/en/thread-3596-1-1.html

免禽

风之幽魂
你好，辛苦了。

我改动：“and the innocent victims will be served by law.”在保原文，使英文通而改，此句可要可不要。

---Photos showing facts of July-5 antiman crime instigated by Rabiye Qadir

antiman 指什么？反人类？还是 inhumane ？你可以用brutal crime，heinious crime, unspeakable crime,或 crime 就可以。
July-5 用 July 5即可。

---All these tragedies was caused by
were

---She is the arch-criminal who made so many innocent people die,and so many happy families break!
arch-criminal 西人能读得懂，criminal 在英文中的搭配常见： wanted ~，known ~，violent~ ，real~
这句话，西人能读懂。

---People around the world,now you have to make a chioce.You can either stand on the side of Chinese people,or of the terrorists.It`s your own business to chose your side,but we strongly suggest you to do the right thing.

上面这句英文读起来，有强迫之意，能否去掉？

风之幽魂

---People around the world,now you have to make a chioce.You can either stand on the side of Chinese people,or of the terrorists.It`s your own business to chose your side,but we strongly suggest you to do the right thing.

上面这句英文读起来，有强迫之意，能否去掉？
免禽 发表于 2009-7-18 14:28

这句话我自己读起来，也确实觉得有一点威胁的意味在里面。

不过这句话一旦去掉，整个视频的主体部分就觉得有头无尾的~~~

我想了一段稍微温和点的：
Justice shall be done!
The mobs and their master must be punished!

不过说实话，第一句是我从WAR3里面直接抄出来的~~~而且这两句话总结性不强，感觉有点像莫名其妙冒出来的一样~~~

还是想听听你的高见~~~

悠哉

赞你的一腔热血！

hong_hai_er

抱歉! 来迟了!  

---------------------------

(1)

——On July 5, 2009, violent mobs instigated by Rabiye Qadir, head of World Uyghur Congress, committed brutal violence in Urumchi, China.

Suggestion:

On July 5, 2009,

A group of organized cold-blooded inhuman mobs instigated by Rabiye Qadir (Rabiya Kadeer),

the mastermind of a US-funded Uighur-separatist movement group - the World Uyhur Congress,

had launched the most brutal genocide against defenseless unarmed innocent citizens,

mostly of Han ethnicity and some were of other ethnic minority groups in Urumqi, Xinjiang, a northwest Chinese province

where the ethnic origins of the residents began clearly recorded in the Han Dynasty (206 B.C.- 220A.D.),

with the main ones being the Sai (Sak), Rouzhi (or Yueh-chih), Wusun (Usun), Qiang, Xiongnu (Hun) and the Han,

but today's Xinjiang population is mainly dominated by the Uighurs

who according to historical record, didn't come to Xinjiang until the 6th centuries, 800 years after the Hans settled down there.  



(2)

After being dispersed by police, the mobs ran into streets killingEVERY passer-by of Han ethnicity and beating others.

Suggestion:

After being dispersed by the police, the mobs, armed with knives and other assaulted weapons, ran into the back-streets to beat up and to kill every single pedestrian, mostly of Han ethnicity.

(3)

By daytime 3innocent & 1 policeman were reported dead; but overnight 152passers-by, most of them of Han ethnicity and some belonging to otherethnic groups, were found killed! 1080 wounded!


Suggestion:

By daytime 3innocent & 1 policeman were reported dead; but overnight 152passers-by, mainly were of Han ethnicity and some belonged to otherminority ethnic groups, were found killed and 1080 were wounded!


(4)

Some western reportsare lying about this, I appeal to your human decency. Help us spreadthe truth so that the world would not be misled，and the innocent victims will be served by law.

Suggestion :

Some Western Media bombarded their readers with a load of lies and distortions as an attempt to blanket the bloodly ethnic-cleansing crime committed by these Uighur separatists whose leader, Rebiya Kadeer and her followers in the World Uighurs Congress has been enjoying a generous financial support in the past several years from the US Congress-funded NED ( National Endowment for Democracy).



(5)

——People around theworld,now you have to make a chioce.You can either stand on the side ofChinese people,or of the terrorists.It`s your own business to choseyour side,but we strongly suggest you to do the right thing.


Suggestion :

People around the world with conscience, I appeal to your sense of justice, speak out for these victims to claim back the justice they deserved.  


——Presented by 风之幽魂
    Captions
    虎踞龙蟠  免禽  Curiouspuppy
——BGM  Requiem for a Dream
——bbs.m4.cn
——More details at the following link:
http://bbs.m4.cn/forum/en/thread-3596-1-1.html

中国大家庭

期待中。

免禽

3# 风之幽魂

Justice shall be done!
The mobs and their master must be punished!

The mobs and their master must be punished!
Justice shall prevail！

hong-hai-er 的那句也可用。

rlsrls08

说实话的，虽然中国政府强调是热XX策划的，但如果这个视频是放到网上攻外国人看的话还是不要点出她为好。

原因:
第一是中国政府还没有给出任何证据，虽然一再说"已经掌握证据"，但这么写不能使人信服。第二:让事实说话。视频突出了什么人是凶手和暴徒，什么人是受害者足以。没必要写成一个完整的故事。第三: 要定性为恐怖主义事件，而不是民族冲突。

ymzjc

顶，这么好的东西怎么没人顶呢

灵芝灯

75事件一大失误就是打出了热XX这张牌，结果西方高兴死了，一个个都支持。如果定性为恐怖袭击就不会那么被动了。

小scorpion

我很想看一看食品视频, 可是没有找到, 有什么方法吗?

谢谢楼主用心制作幻灯.

jundaomc

同意八楼的说法；

着眼点在暴力袭击，

悠哉

Good!