【中文标题】Missy猫走失
【原文标题】Missing Missy
【登载媒体】博客
【原文作者】Shannon Walkley、David Thorne
【原文链接】http://27bslash6.com/missy.html
译者注：以下是两个朋友间的邮件往来。出场人物：
Shannon Walkley：万分焦急的猫主人
David Thorne：自恃才华横溢的设计师
Missy：猫
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
嗨哥们。昨天我一推开纱门，我的猫就跑了出去，到现在还没有回来。我在想能不能麻烦你帮我做一张寻猫的海报。A4纸大小就可以，我去复印，下午的时候把它们贴在附近。
这是我手头唯一的一张照片。它叫Missy，毛色是黑白，大约8个月大。走失的地点是Harper大街，另外你有我的电话号码。
多谢。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
亲爱的Shannon：
这太令人震惊了。好在我是踏踏实实坐在椅子上读你的邮件，而不是在爬梯子或爬树。你现在还好吧？这种情况下你仍然在继续工作实在让我吃惊，想想Missy是不是正在经历着寒冷、恐惧、孤独……或许它正躺在路边，一辆车压碎了它的后腿，小东西痛苦地呼喊“Shannon，你在哪儿？”
现在的确有两个客户等着我在下午完成它们的作品。但是，我会义不容辞地放下手头的一切，立即帮助你尽快把Missy找回来。
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
哦，好的，谢谢了。我知道你不大喜欢猫，但是我的确为Missy担心。我必须在下午1点前离开。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
亲爱的Shannon：
我从没说过我不喜欢猫。有一次，我受邀请去参加一个聚会，因此我去服装店买了一双昂贵的G-STAR靴子。这双鞋尺码太小，但我实在太喜欢了。我想我不穿袜子，再把趾甲剪短，应该可以穿的下。聚会地点离我住的地方只有几个街区，所以我决定走过去。刚走了一个街区，我的脚已经失去了直觉。到了聚会的地点，我和一个叫Steven的家伙发生了冲突，因为我把鸡尾酒洒在他白色的T恤衫上，他给了我一拳。一个小时之后，Steven一屁股坐在一把椅子上，上面趴着一只猫。受惊的猫亮出爪子尖叫了一声，Steven吓得跳起来，在地毯上一滑，脑袋在音箱的角上撞了一个两英寸长的口子。那只猫还在Steven身上撒了一泡尿，他米色的裤子上又黄又湿。我真爱这只猫。
以下是你要的海报。
祝好，David
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
呃……这根本不是我想要的样子，它看起来像是一个电影海报。Missy的照片怎么这么小？
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
亲爱的Shannon：
这是设计和创意。猫迷失在另一个空间里。
祝好，David.
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
这太愚蠢了！你把它搞得正常一点行不？为这事我心里非常难受，整晚都哭着睡不着。你好像觉得这很好笑？你能不能把照片放大，加上一些文字说明，再搞成彩色的？多谢了。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
亲爱的Shannon：
作为一个从业多年的设计师，我认为你应当了解，即使你的措辞含糊委婉，我们也并不欢迎建设性的批评意见。我不会下楼告诉你如何发短信，如何登陆Facebook，甚至如何向窗外张望。但是我会原谅你的无礼，很显然你现在的思绪全都集中在Missy如何穿过交通繁忙的十字路口，是不是被困在水位不断上涨的下水道里。我曾经自己在一口井里蹲了三天，纯粹是为了好玩。
根据你的建议，我把海报修改如下。
祝好，David.
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
这比刚才那张还要糟糕！你能不能放一张Missy的全身照片，删除“missing missy”那些愚蠢的文字？我就是想说它lost了。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
我靠，你到底能不能做这玩意？我就是想要一张照片，加上丢失的字眼，还有电话号码，以及它的名字、在何时、从哪里走失的。我不要这种像电影海报似的烂东西！我今天必须早点走。如果你的猫丢了，我也会帮助你的。谢谢。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
亲爱的Shannon：
我本来也没有猫。我有一次曾经答应一个朋友，帮他照看一个星期的猫。他把猫留下之后跟我说养猫不是件干净的事。我把猫放在一个纸箱子里，丢在棚子中就忘记了这件事。我如果愿意做喂饭和清理粪便的事情，我就不会在我妈妈中风之后把她丢在一边。一个星期之后，我朋友来家取回他的猫，我假装不在家，把那个纸盒子给他邮了过去。显然我没有贴够邮票，他不得不到邮局去领取，还支付了18美元。直到现在他还偶尔难以释怀，过去的事就让它过去好了。
我根据你详细说明又修改了一个版本的海报。
祝好。David.
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
这根本不是我的猫！你从哪儿搞来的这张照片！这只猫是黄色的，我已经给了你我的猫的照片！
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
我知道，但是这个更加可爱呀。Missy很可能已经杯具了，你或许会找一只更好的猫。如果有人给你打电话说“我没见过你的黄色的猫，但是我找到了一只黑白色的猫，它的后腿被汽车压坏了，你想要吗？”这样你可以礼貌地拒绝，给自己省下一大笔兽医费用。
我认识一个人，他有一只矮腿猎犬。这只猎犬的后腿在发生了事故之后被截肢，它不得不依靠儿童车的轮子来行走。如果这是我的狗，我会切掉他所有的腿，装上轮子，还要安装遥控器。我可以让邻居家的孩子们来乘坐，向他们收钱。如果那是马，我甚至可以骑着去上班。我会给它起名叫Steven。
祝好，David.
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
求你用我给你的那张照片。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
我没说要给报酬啊，我哪里来的2000美元？你这么写是什么意思？没有这行字就再好不过了，可以把报酬字样删掉吗？谢谢。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
你能不能干脆就不提报酬这件事？再有10分钟我就要走了，我还要花时间去复印呢。
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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
好吧，就这样吧……
原文：
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do. |
狗仔卡
发表于 2010-7-16 13:21
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发表于 2010-7-16 14:48
