【CNN】Why marrying for money isn't a bad idea

Iam_zhcn

Why marrying for money isn't a bad idea
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/06/tf.marrying.for.money/index.html

July 6, 2009 -- Updated 1701 GMT (0101 HKT) By Jessica Wakeman


Love won't pay the bills, says author, so she plans to marry a man with money.

(The Frisky) -- There's a new book out called "Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream -- And How They Are Paying For It," by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake.

Forget for a moment that they annoyingly refer to grown women as "girls" in their title and check out their thesis: because, for a variety of reasons, men earn more money than women, it's a wise move to marry someone who can provide for you and your family.

I haven't read the book, so I have no idea if it is filled with sexist swill or not. But just reading Newsweek's article about the book, it sounds like pretty sensible advice to me.

Before you get upset, I will acknowledge a bunch of things that I know to be true: yes, women earn less than men for a lot of sexist reasons and that discrimination must stop. Yes, mothers get "mommy-tracked" and their careers are stalled. And of course there are all kinds of misfires to the "marry rich" idea, such as the rich guy who is an a-hole.

But that doesn't change the fact that marrying a man with money can be a better idea than marrying someone who is broke.

Take me, for instance. I'm afraid I'm going to get tarred and feathered as a "bad feminist" for admitting this, but yeah, I do want to marry someone who can financially support both me and our kids. The Frisky: Why you should marry for money --

I'm not ashamed to "marry for money," if that's what would you can even call it, because I don't fundamentally believe it is the "man's role" to provide for women.

My actual motivations, as I see them, are pure enough. I know of great guys out there -- journalists, teachers, non-profit dudes -- who will probably make great dads. But I personally wouldn't pair up with them because, realistically, our two salaries together just wouldn't be enough to cut it for what I want out of life. But, but, but, "Bank accounts shouldn't matter at all!" And while I agree with that in theory, sorry, a man who can provide for me and our children is just much more attractive to me. The Frisky: How engagements are a crash course in marriage

Bank accounts -- and debts -- do matter. And acknowledging that doesn't make me a gold digger akin to Anna Nicole Smith -- it makes me smart.

Right now, I rent an apartment in New York City (not cheap) and pay all my own bills myself. But I'm living at the edge of my own means as it is. I don't make a lot of money as a journalist, I owe lots of money to student loans and unless my future husband or I had a great job prospect someplace else, I don't want to live outside New York City, or very far from NYC, because that's where the media capital of the world is right now. The Frisky: Financial responsibilities of a twenty-something?

Maybe this isn't "feminist," but logically, I need to marry a guy who makes more money than I do -- preferably a lot more money than I do -- for us to be able to afford what I want and I hope he will want, too. An apartment big enough for kids, prenatal care, doctors appointments, birthday presents, vacations, summer camp, college, their own car, all that stuff.

I know parents can raise children well on much less. But personally, that's not the lifestyle I grew up with. I want to be able to give my children everything I had -- maybe a little less, maybe a little more -- because I think my parents did a great job.

I also would immediately disqualify entering into a sharing-bank-accounts relationship with a man who proved to be irresponsible with his cash. College loan debt is fine (I've got it) and a reasonable balance on the credit card debt is understandable (I've got that, too). But I couldn't wrap up my life or my children's lives around someone who spent or managed money irresponsibly. I don't want to deal with that drama 'cause I know we'd just argue about it all the time. The Frisky:How not to discuss money with significant other

True story: I used to babysit for a family where the mom was Latina and the dad was white; she was able to receive funding from the government to start her own business as part of some kind of "minority small business ownership program."

But really, her husband, who had been laid off after 9/11, ran the business and he hired my older brother to work for him. Over the course of several months, my brother told me all about how this guy I babysat for spent money willy-nilly and eventually ran his business into the ground. Not surprisingly, this couple separated and I think eventually divorced. The last time I saw the mother, there was a moving truck in front of their house. The Frisky: Keep money secret from your significant other?

I realize that's just one anecdotal story, but I'm sharing it to demonstrate a larger point: there is nothing feminist about assuming your partner's debt. And it goes both ways -- I wouldn't blame a man for not wanting to marry a woman who spent money irresponsibly.

Couples' finances are intertwined with one another and if he screws you up, or you screw up him, bad stuff is gonna happen to both of you. That's why a man who makes a decent amount of money and is responsible with it will always, always be more attractive to most women.

Iam_zhcn

lilv666

我很多不准确的地方，先说，抱歉了！

下面是译文：

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为什么为了钱而结婚不是个坏主意

作者说，爱情不会为她付账，所以她计划嫁给一个有钱人。

有一书名叫：“聪明的女孩会嫁给钱：女人是怎样被烂漫美梦所欺骗的--她们为此付出了怎样的代价”-作者 Dlizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake写到。

忘掉那些在恼火地将成熟女人成为女孩的文章，看一看这个论点：由于各种各样的原因，男人赚的比女人多，所以嫁给能提供更多支持给你和你的家庭的人是明智的。

在你变得不愉快之前，我承认一些列我知道的正确的事情：是的，女人赚的少因为一系列的性别差异，这方面就不讨论了。是的，母亲们有成为职业妈妈的阶段-她们的职业生涯暂停。当然，有各种各样的嫁给富人的失败例子，比如那有钱的家伙是个无底洞。

但这不改变我们的结论：嫁给富人是一个比嫁给破产的人更好主意。

用我作为一个例子。......（ I'm afraid I'm going to get tarred and feathered as a "bad feminist" for admitting this）但是，我还是想嫁给能够给我和我们的孩子提供更好的金融支持的人。活泼的：为什么你应该为了钱而结婚。

我并不羞耻于说“嫁给钱”-如果你仅仅想到的对它称呼，因为我并不完全的相信这是“男性角色”给女性提供的。

我的真实动机，以我所见，十分纯粹。我知道有些很棒的男人-新闻记者、教师、非盈利的家伙都很可能变成一个好爸爸。但对于我个人，我不会和他们成为一对，因为仅仅我们两个人的薪水不足以实现以后再我生命中想要的。但是，但是，但是“存款不是全部！”-当我理论上认同这一点，很抱歉，一个更有钱的的能提供更多给我和我的孩子的人对我有非常大的吸引力。活跃的人：婚姻中的订婚时怎样成为一个金钱课程的。

存款-和债务-影响很大。承认这一点并不会让我成为像Anna Nicole Smith那样的拜金者，相反这样我使更明智。

现在，我在纽约租着一间公寓，并自己付房租。但是我快支持不住了（live at the edge of my own）。但是记者这个职业并没有很多薪水，而且我欠着一大笔学生贷款，除非我未来的丈夫和我在别的地方找到更棒的工作。我不想住在纽约外或者离纽约很远-因为纽约是现在的世界媒体界的首都。活跃的人：二十来岁的人的需要负起经济的责任。

可能是反女权主义的但是是合乎逻辑的，我需要嫁给比我赚得更多的男人-赚得多的多的更好-让我有能力支付我想要（我希望也是他想要的）。一个对于养孩子足够大的公寓，产前医疗，医生预约，生日礼物，度假，野营，大学，他们自己的车，所有的东西。

我知道可以用更少的花费把孩子养大。但是，个人来说，这和我成长过程中的生活方式不同。我希望有能力给孩子提供所有我以前获得的东西-可能多稍微一点或者少稍微一点，我的父母在这方面做得很棒。

我会直接的拒绝和一个金钱上不可靠的人进入 共享存款 关系。学生贷款时可以接受的（我有），合理的平衡的信用卡债务时可以理解的（我还是有）。但是我不会让我的生命或者孩子的生活与花钱或者管理钱不可靠地人有牵扯。我不想进入这样的剧本，因为我知道我们会为了它整天争吵。活泼的人：怎样才能避免与另一半为了金钱而争吵。

一个真实的故事：在我以前帮照看婴儿的一个家庭，母亲是拉丁美洲人、父亲是白人；母亲收到政府提供的资金进而开始自己的生意-“少数族裔小老板计划”的一部分。

实际上，她的丈夫在911后被解雇，经营生意并且雇佣我的哥哥为他工作。在几个月的时间里面，我的哥哥告诉我，这个我替他照看婴儿的男人是怎样没有节制的花钱并且最终让他的生意万劫不复的。不出意外的，这对夫妇分开了并且我想最后离婚了。最后一次我看到这个妈妈的时候，一辆搬家的卡车停在他们屋子前。活跃的人：是否要对另一半保密经济情况？

我认识到这仅仅是一个奇闻异事，但我分享他来论证一个更大的论点：评估你伴侣的账单和女权主义没关系。而这是双方的：我不会责怪男人不想娶一个花钱不节制的女人。

配偶的经济是相互缠绕在一起的-他比你高，或者你比他高。糟糕的事情是你们一起经受的。这是为什么一个有很好收入并且合理使用的男人总是，总是更有吸引力-对大多数女人。

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lilv666

我认领本篇翻译任务